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Old 8th August 2013, 10:46 AM
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Default The Joys of Catholicism!

If you're a Catholic, you'll know that when the priest does his mumbo jumbo during the mass, the bread turns into the "actual" body and blood of Christ.
Unbelievable, I know but if you're a Catholic you've been trained to believe anything.

I remember a little story concerning the communion ceremony.

A catholic is forbidden to take "communion" unless he/she is in a "state of grace", which means that they must have recently confessed all their sins to a priest and received "absolution". Then, with the soul cleansed and in a fit state to receive Jesus, they are allowed to partake of the communion wafer.

Anyway, I remember once going to Corpus Christi (Body of Christ) church with my grandma. It wasn't my regular church and to my surprise a nun separated all the kids from the adults and we had to sit in the front pews?

Came the time for Communion and the nun herded all us kids up to the altar rails. I hadn't been to confession but I allowed myself to be herded along with all the other children and found myself kneeling at the rails as the priest came along with the "host".

Panic! Panic! What to do! I hadn't been to Confession and I knew that I was far from being in a "state of grace".
However, I was afraid to get up and leave the altar rails, so I suddenly found myself kneeling there with the body and blood of Jesus on my tongue!

I didn't know what to do! I couldn't spit Jesus out on the floor, so I let him get all soggy on my tongue for ages, before I finally had no alternative but to let him slide down my sinful throat.

But did that cause me some anxiety! I was afraid to confess that sin to the priest. I'd never done anything so awful in my life. Most of my sins had something to do with my emerging sexuality. You know, "immoral thoughts" or "touching myself".

I was sure that if I told the priest that I'd taken communion without first going to confession, I'd probably be taken to Rome and thrown in front of the Pope!

Oh the joys of being a Roman Catholic! Is it any wonder I'm now an atheist!
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Old 8th August 2013, 10:55 AM
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Default Re: The Joys of Catholicism!

Quote:
Phroso said View Post
If you're a Catholic, you'll know that when the priest does his mumbo jumbo during the mass, the bread turns into the "actual" body and blood of Christ.
Unbelievable, I know but if you're a Catholic you've been trained to believe anything.

I remember a little story concerning the communion ceremony.

A catholic is forbidden to take "communion" unless he/she is in a "state of grace", which means that they must have recently confessed all their sins to a priest and received "absolution". Then, with the soul cleansed and in a fit state to receive Jesus, they are allowed to partake of the communion wafer.

Anyway, I remember once going to Corpus Christi (Body of Christ) church with my grandma. It wasn't my regular church and to my surprise a nun separated all the kids from the adults and we had to sit in the front pews?

Came the time for Communion and the nun herded all us kids up to the altar rails. I hadn't been to confession but I allowed myself to be herded along with all the other children and found myself kneeling at the rails as the priest came along with the "host".

Panic! Panic! What to do! I hadn't been to Confession and I knew that I was far from being in a "state of grace".
However, I was afraid to get up and leave the altar rails, so I suddenly found myself kneeling there with the body and blood of Jesus on my tongue!

I didn't know what to do! I couldn't spit Jesus out on the floor, so I let him get all soggy on my tongue for ages, before I finally had no alternative but to let him slide down my sinful throat.

But did that cause me some anxiety! I was afraid to confess that sin to the priest. I'd never done anything so awful in my life. Most of my sins had something to do with my emerging sexuality. You know, "immoral thoughts" or "touching myself".

I was sure that if I told the priest that I'd taken communion without first going to confession, I'd probably be taken to Rome and thrown in front of the Pope!

Oh the joys of being a Roman Catholic! Is it any wonder I'm now an atheist!
Great stuff. I too put myself through all colours of catholic-guilt-shit as a lad. It is a fucking awful thing to go through, and I think is a legitimate form of psychological abuse.
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Old 8th August 2013, 12:01 PM
the_gelf the_gelf is offline
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Default Re: The Joys of Catholicism!

I went to a Catholic School for year 11 +12. We had some rubbish ceremony once where only those who had been communised were supposed to drink the wine and eat the bread.

Mmm wine. Bread was a bit tasteless.
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Old 8th August 2013, 01:26 PM
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Default Re: The Joys of Catholicism!

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the_gelf said View Post
I went to a Catholic School for year 11 +12. We had some rubbish ceremony once where only those who had been communised were supposed to drink the wine and eat the bread.

Mmm wine. Bread was a bit tasteless.
Where I went to school the sacristy was broken into more than once and the sacramental wine slurped
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Old 8th August 2013, 01:35 PM
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Default Re: The Joys of Catholicism!

I don't know when you guys were getting wine with the bread?

In forties and fifties England, we were only given the bread.

"You try telling the kids that these days, they wouldn't believe it".

Of course, I came from a working class area "up north" so maybe they didn't think we were sufficiently high class to appreciate wine?

Maybe the wine was reserved for the "posh" people "down south" and they didn't think wine was appropriate for "the likes of us"?

Anyway, I'd be interested to know if the "plonk" is back on the menu during the communion service?
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Old 8th August 2013, 01:43 PM
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Default Re: The Joys of Catholicism!

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Phroso said View Post
Maybe the wine was reserved for the "posh" people "down south" and they didn't think wine was appropriate for "the likes of us"?

Anyway, I'd be interested to know if the "plonk" is back on the menu during the communion service?
I received my christian cudgelling at an inner-city dominican catlick prison @ Prospect SA. The grape juice was there on special occaisions not the standard Sunday session. Still made in Clare valley as well. I will give Seven Hills one thing - they do make some good wine
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Old 8th August 2013, 09:46 PM
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Default Re: The Joys of Catholicism!

You know, there's a lot of sexual innuendo in Catholism.
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Old 9th August 2013, 07:21 AM
EvilDRMike EvilDRMike is offline
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rayne said View Post
You know, there's a lot of sexual innuendo in Catholism.
Ooer misses make mine a large one. Like a bawdy British comedy from the 60s? I have been going to the wrong churches. Now if Frankie Howard could officiated it would awesome!

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Old 9th August 2013, 01:09 PM
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Default Re: The Joys of Catholicism!

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rayne said View Post
You know, there's a lot of sexual innuendo in Catholism.
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Old 9th August 2013, 08:19 PM
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Default Re: The Joys of Catholicism!

Although never a Catholic myself some of these observations bring back recollections from the past for me.

I had close friends who were Catholic in two families and can remember a kind of control that the church managed to wield over them using family members as agents.

In one family with 5 children the oldest was a pious girl/woman who made it her business to see that everybody else was on the straight and narrow.

As mentioned by others before, one had to be "In a state of grace" in order to partake in holy communion. One had to have gone to confession and been cleansed before partaking of the "Host".

I can recall that on more than one occasion my mate - the youngest male of the siblings - was challenged by his older sister because she had observed that he had not partaken in holy communion during the service.

"Why didn't you take communion!" she leveled at him. "Aren't you in a state of grace!"..... "When was the last time you went to confession!"

My mate was beaten into submission and meekly confessed at the earliest opportunity.

How does this jell with the experience of the ex Catholics who have posted here. Is this the way it works.
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