Finally expressing my opinions

[sjd3]

Okay so this morning I had a good think and with a combination of Hitchens, Harris, Dawkins and David Attenborough's arguments against god, I became stronger in my thinking of being an atheist and have a basis argument of why I am an atheist in my mind and I can pull it out. I won't list it here because I just finished pretty much writing it up then when I went to start new thread it somehow stuffed up...NOOOOO!!!!!
Anyway, so this morning, confident about it, I told my parents that I had a good think this morning and that I've realised that to believe in god/s is both illogical and immoral.
First a bit of background story.

My father is an atheist agnostic I would say, yet still thinks that there has to be something out there, because he's seen in his life good things happen to people who do good things and vice versa, I tell him that it's called karma, and that I don't believe in it, but he still thinks that there has to be something, possibly not a god.
My mother is deeply spiritual in a sense that is hard to describe. She believes in a god, not sure which one, either a sort of hindu one with that sort of Ghandi attitude, or a Christian one. But she definitely believes in a god, but I'll call her more spiritual than religious.
I have told my Dad before that I don't believe in god, but they don't really know, and I sort of want to keep it that way, but at the same time, I want it to make it clear on my position and opinion on religion. For example I saw on the census that my Dad ticked Christian in the religious box and I didn't really say anything about it. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, they're the greatest, I just need to express my opinions.

So this morning, I decided that I needed to finally say what I wanted to say about my opinions and let it be known. You have to start somewhere. So I told them this, and when I said if they wanted to know why, my Dad said no, as he didn't want to have a fuss. As they were about to walk out the door my Mum said very gently that she would have to have a 'serious talk with me'. I couldn't wait. I had everything down pat, all in my head from this morning. Come after lunch, I finally gathered the wits to ask again wether or not they wanted to know what my opinions were, they finally said yes, as it was a peaceful atmosphere. Straight away it all just started to sort of fall apart though, I told them why in a shaky voice sort of trembling, what I had rehearsed over my mind this morning, then I asked my mum what she thought about it and she said pretty much this "Yes, I understand why you think it is extremely immoral to believe in a god, however I think that you're missing the point. I think that God is much deeper than that, in a different way, but I think that your thinking it in the wrong manner. You have to take some readings on it (some indian books she was reading) and the deeper you get into it, the more you get to know and understand god. And I can help you for that if you need to. I think that people like Richard Dawkins, although I respect him very much, and I haven't really read his works, I don't think he can impose his ways on other people as an atheist as he does and especially on younger people (me). "

As you can imagine I had some thoughts such as, so you're more spiritual then, or 'his ways'? and felt like saying something about how people get a bit offended when someone criticises religion, I said "so you're more spiritual then?" and she then said "well yes but to be spiritual in essence you need by definition to have a god behind it".
I couldn't say anything else, as much as I wanted, I just couldn't bring myself to speak more. I'm not sure wether she really knows that I'm an atheist after she talked about Dawkins as an 'atheist' or what she believes in. It sort of died and then that was that, and I couldn't bring myself to say anything else.

Now I'm not sure what to do, how to pick up the conversation about the topic again, or how to say what I believe in as I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I know my mother has been very spiritual a lot of her life studying certain books and ancient books etc... and I don't want to let her feel as if she's wasted her whole time. I just really want to let them know, that I'm an atheist and why, but I don't want to do it face up like " oh btw I'm an atheist because..." and then that's that, I want to do it as a discussion, but then I just lose all courage to keep going on.
The whole discussion was very gentle, no relationships were hurt or anything, and that would definitely be what I don't want the most is hurting feelings or anything just a sensible discussion.

I'm at a loss at what to do, should I just leave it like that or somehow get it to start as a gentle discussion? I thank you for having the time for this.

[sjd3]

btw, I realise that these are my decisions so I'll take the replies as opinions as that this is pretty important for me obviously, just saying this in case of anybody saying that these are your choices. So thank you in advance for saying that. And of course thank you for any opinions on what I could do, as they are all extremely appreciated

[wolty]

Yep, with Mr B. I wouldn't push but concentrate on yourself and learning. Your family sound nice. It wouldn't be so nice to attack their ideals just because you can.

[sjd3]

It wouldn't be so nice to attack their ideals just because you can.

It's not that I wont to attack them or point out why there is no God, it's just that I want to let them know where I stand without hurting anyone's feelings.

[Xeno]

Originally Posted by sjd3

It's not that I wont to attack them or point out why there is no God, it's just that I want to let them know where I stand without hurting anyone's feelings.

You have probably now let them know to a greater extent than you realise. You may be risking feelings for no considerable gain if you pursue it. That your view of yourself is relatively congruent with your friends' view of yourself is probably more important.

[Sir Patrick Crocodile]

I'm with Mr Black on this one. The last thing you want, if you're not currently in a situation where you can be dependent without your family, is to start a riot. Based on my personal experiences, and I'm sure I could dig up some evidence if I bothered doing so, it can cause trouble. Why take the risk?

It becomes a situation where it is no longer about other peoples' feelings, but about you and your status in your family. And strictly speaking, unless it is really important, what you believe is really nobody elses' business. And your family doesn't have to know everything about your beliefs. Of course if you want to speak to them about it, or if they keep bringing you to Christian activities, then yes go ahead.

[wolty]

Originally Posted by sjd3

it's just that I want to let them know where I stand without hurting anyone's feelings.

Originally Posted by Xeno

You have probably now let them know to a greater extent than you realise.

This +1

[Loki]

Originally Posted by fixed it for sjd3's mum

"Yes, I understand why you think it is extremely immoral to believe in a god, however I think that you're I'm entirely missing the point and actually have no understanding of where you are coming from".

Erm, this particular line tells me there is unlikely to be any meaningful discussion. To misunderstand a statement about morality in this way suggests many things, but an open mind with room for meaningful discussion it does not.

Unless it's an issue which actually affects your home life, then an acknowledgement that you think differently is more than many would get, and worth sitting on for a while.

If you really want to discuss religion with them then small steps with lots of room for thinking in between is good, but you have to ask yourself whether you want to talk about it for them, or for you. If it's for you and they aren't really interested then why not leave them to make their own choices?

only my thoughts, worth 2c.

[Xeno]

Originally Posted by Loki

...

only my thoughts, worth 2c.

Make that 4c

[Logic please]

Originally Posted by Xeno

Make that 4c

Now $0.06.

Sjd, on several measures, I'd consider what you described, as a reasonably successful discussion - you got to state your views, they acknowledged them, things stayed civil and calm, no relationships were hurt, etc.

I acknowledge that there might be some important aspects (to you) that weren't nailed, but I'd submit that some good groundwork has been laid for any future discussions.

If your parents give your views some space, and not try to "force" spirituality or religion on you, then I'd agree with leaving things be ATM. Whys and wherefores can come later as needed, IMO.