Almost a bloody memoir

[Seymour Buts]

Well .... I guess like most of these stories I will start with my parents, seems the logical place to start when it comes to religion! My parents are both anglican whose parents in turn were mostly anglican and a variety of protestant denominations. My father doesn't believe in god although he is a religious apologist. He went to a lecture by Douglas Adams about a year or two ago who claimed that religion was doing good things, charity being one of them. My father agreed. Its true they do some good things, but they don't have a monopoly on it and the majority of things they do are either neutral or bad. Unfortunately I missed the lecture which I was disappointed about, as I would love to have put some hard questions to him about it. Anyhoo my mother, well I'm not sure if she believes or not. She certainly has never mentioned anything about it specifically, and frankly I'm afraid to ask. She works at a catholic school and has thus also become a religious apologist or sorts. She’s not, however one to buy into the going to church every Sunday. She has been there and done that (same with my father) with church and Sunday school because of the baby boomers generation they are. She was having some difficult times in her life once when she admitted, very reluctantly that she went to see a psychic. A lot of people may dismiss that as harmless and nothing significant but it was probably the saddest thing I have ever heard my Mother tell me because of what it meant. It told me that she wasn't strong enough to deal with the situation on her own and seeing a psychic for direction or meaning was an act of desperation. I immediately told her to stop telling me about it as I found it too sad to listen to.

Anyway neither of my parents ever mentioned religion when I was growing up and we never went to church, I think they had had enough of it when they grew up to bother with. Also raising five VERY active kids keeps you busy. All of which are atheists I am pretty sure, so I am pretty happy about that! Five out of five success stories is pretty good in my book lol! We did all however go to private catholic primary/high school and college. Mostly because my mother believed it was a better education and the school was only two minutes away. My father said years later he would have been happy to ship us off on the bus to the state school, and for free!

Throughout primary school I said that I believed in god. I distinctly remember lumping the tooth fairy, easter bunny, santa, jesus and god in the one category: the stuff that you can't see yet which you are told exists. I remember from a very young age probably even 4 or 5 my mother telling me straight out that there was no tooth fairy and she would just give me $2 if I lost a tooth. I remember thinking that I would rather that she play along because I felt guilty that I was taking $2 from my mum rather than an invisible tooth fairy! HAHA! Anyway that thought stuck with me and by the time I was in late primary school. For, slowly I asked the question that if the tooth fairy weren't true and all of these other 'beings' were in a similar category - could they not be true also? I lost my belief in each of those supernatural beings in that order, from "least believable" to "most believable". Of course the most believable were the ones in which the adults held out on telling you the truth about the longest!

I also remember being about 10 years of age when my family had to trudge along to church when my grandma donated thousands of dollars to the church for new stain glassed windows. I remember thinking what a waste of money it was at the time and thinking she was being used, so I think that’s a reflection of my opinions even at a young age.

Anyway going to a catholic school I was certainly aware, even at a young age that it was a religious school. I always said to my friends, although it never really came up much, that I believed in god. I said this because the only kids in my grade who publicly stated that they didn't were always in trouble. I didn't want to be rebellious like them so I said that I did. I also thought I would get in trouble if a teacher found out a student said they didn't believe in god.

I remember asking god for things like birthday presents and certain things to come true. I always had a distinct feeling that my "prayers" (thoughts) were totally futile although thought it couldn't hurt to ask. My thoughts were somewhat conflicted in primary school. I had doubts that god existed, thought religion was uncool and out of touch yet at the same time I wanted to believe someone would help me if things weren't going well. Combine this with a "supportive" catholic school and it kept perhaps half a foot in the god camp. We used to do mass and sing religious songs every week in assembly. In grade 5 me and my friends got in trouble for singing different, more humorous lyrics to religious songs. It turns out they didn't think it was funny singing about jesus being a lot less than holy. I remember singing loud enough above the rest of the voices so that my "misdeeds" would be heard, which was unlike me because I was always a good kid. Five lunchtime detentions later I was actually quite content with my rebellious act!

I remember one day in class, in grade 4 with Mrs Kirkpatrick telling us something along the lines that when it comes to those hard (or impossible) to answer questions our relationship with god was personal and individual and each person will believe something different . She then asked us to ponder that with a bit of 'reflection' then tell her what we thought. I remember Jason W. answering to the class that he thought each lie you tell on earth is a step further away from god you will be when you go to heaven. ( Jason W. turned out to be gay so I doubt he's religous anymore!) The teacher was suitably impressed with his answer. I can't remember my answer although I wish I could. I remember though that being a turning point in my whole thinking. I think that’s when I became an atheist. I scoffed at how it seemed to be a case of 'make it up'. I wondered how making it up (a 'personal relationship') could possibly make it true, it didn't make sense! I knew I couldn't help myself from lying forever and didn't like the idea of being 'away' from god because of it. Ultimately I genuinely believed that I was a good decent person and didn't deserve to be punished so harshly. I wanted to know the actual answer to tough questions and the old conservative teachers and visiting priests didn't seem to provide them. That lesson seemed to be a step backwards in understanding anything. It always stuck out in my mind throughout school.

By grade 6 to 7 I started categorically stating to myself that I did not believe in god. That’s when I started forming my own opinions, reading, questioning what I was told and listening to Rage Against The Machine! I hate to admit it but it probably also helped that it wasn't cool to believe in god amongst, well, pretty much everyone in my year group. Whoever the true believers were they kept it quiet! That’s the age that you start being rebellious and I remember wanting to rebel against the religious classes we had in high school. But I always came up short because, in fairness to them they never told us (in class) that this is something we should believe. It was presented from a point of view that this is what some people believe, hence we also learnt equally about hinduism, islam and judaism. I couldn't fault that but I hated the masses that we had to go to and the insistence that there was even such a thing as spirituality which I enjoyed many arguments with my RE teachers over.

Anyway to conclude, I have a small and not necessarily related story which happened recently. In helping shape my outlook on life I was recently in hospital recovering from an operation when a man in the bed across the corridor from me died. It was about 2am in the morning. I couldn't see him but I could clearly hear an agitated man, very "alive sounding" asking the nurses to give him more pain killers, and ranting about how he didn't want to be there. They insisted many times that he just lie back and relax. About half an hour went past and he kept complaining, becoming more agitated. Eventually he stood up out of frustration and cords that were attached to him either came out or he pulled them out and I heard the nurses start running around in a fuss. An emergency was declared over the PA and bucketloads more doctors and nurses came running down the corridor to revive him but they couldn't. He had a massive heart attack. Anyway, it may not sound like much - death happens regularly in hospitals I suppose, this time I just happened to be around, but lying there listening to a man needlessly die because of a simple mistake made me realise how close we all are to death. One minute this man is alive and the next he isn't. It made me realise the finality of it and how close it is to ALL of us and how our decisions really do affect our lives. It really rammed it home how we are physical beings and nothing else, if you slip up you may pay the ultimate price and one day we all will. This hit me hard at the time and I guess it was kind of a revelation, realising at just age 25 how ultimately vulnerable people can be, as that indeed could have been me if only I stood up!
I now, unlike religious folk, realise how dam precious life is and don't take it for granted, because there is no heaven or second chances. And far from being a brutal or cold outlook, I find solace in the fact that life is so precious, even more precious than a pro-life catholic would tell you, because believe me, death is bleak.
Sorry for the long rant. Hope it was coherent

[EvilDRMike]

Thanks Seymour, a rather large one if you don't mind me saying. Yeah it hung together quite well. My only advice would be to add a car chase, a love interest and maybe some gratuitous nudity for for the screenplay.

EDM

[Phroso]

Originally Posted by EvilDRMike

Thanks Seymour, a rather large one if you don't mind me saying. Yeah it hung together quite well. My only advice would be to add a car chase, a love interest and maybe some gratuitous nudity for for the screenplay.

EDM

Thanks EvilDRMike, for the smile that you just brought to my face!

[EvilDRMike]

Glad I made someone happy :-).

EDM

[workmx]

EDM - very well written. And enjoyable.

Thanks fo sharing.