Good Jokes

[Sten]

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later.'

The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, Sister, have you seen a soldier?'

The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MP's ran off, the soldier
crawled out from under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough
Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Iraq .'

The nun said, 'I understand completely.'

The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls....I don't want to go to Iraq either !!

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Anybody else got any good jokes with a religious flavor?

[Strato]

Pull me up if this is hardly acceptable, or make me the butt of your mirth, as it's really not funny.

An Eskimo (Inuit)'s snowmobile broke down. He pushed it into the garage. The mechanic said "come back this afternoon." He went back, the mechanic said, "it looks like you've just blown a seal." He said "no actually I've just had an ice cream."

[AUSloth]

Two elderly nuns are sitting on a park bench when a streaker runs by.

One had a stroke the other couldn't reach.

[Sten]

As an engineer I am quite fond of this joke.

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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his
dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- that’s strange, all engineers normally go to heaven but your not on my manifest -- so you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.

Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.

After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning
and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this
engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, all engineers go to heaven -- send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm
keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah right --- and just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

[Rhys]

This is my favourite. A friend of mine told this at her Anglican school's assembly in year eleven .

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. She usually slept through the entire class. Once day, her teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an kind boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" Shouted Mary. "Very good!" The teacher responded. And Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary "Who is our Lord and Saviour??" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Again, Johnny jabbed the pin in her rear. "JESUS CHRIST!" Mary shouted. "Very good!" The teacher responded and Mary went back to sleep.

Another while later, the teacher, more than a little bit suspicious of Mary at this point asked, in attempt to catch Mary out for good, "Mary, what did Eve say to Adam after birthing their 23rd child?" Again, Johnny jabbed her hard with the pin, realising the direness of the situation. This time, Mary stood up and shouted "IF YOU STICK THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I AM GOING TO BREAK IT IN HALF!!"

[Bolero]

Genuine LOL, Rhys!

[lulu]

Good one Sten, a rape joke. Most hilarious.

Sent from my GT-N7105T using Tapatalk 2

[wolty]

Originally Posted by lulu

Good one Sten, a rape joke. Most hilarious.

Looking at it Lulu, soft deleted at the very least.

And I'll be fucked if I can work out why this is in General chit chat. Off to off to Off topic it goes.