When people say "I'll pray for you".

[Worldslaziestbusker]

If it's used as an empty platitude to make them feel better about me not sharing their beliefs I'll usually wave it off.

The next time it's offered as a show of support during trying times I might ask the person mouthing the platitude if they can provide practical help as well.
"Say, could you also cook a meal for X, or drive their children to school on Tuesday? That would be fantastic."

[BlueDevil]

Originally Posted by Voltairine

But she was praying for my "soul" because I'm surely going to hell for being an atheist.

I'm going there too! See you in hell for a great big PARTY!

[DanDare]

I got a phone call at 7 this morning that my biological father (I'm adopted) had died. I have dealt with deep grief a number of times and I have learned that people feel compelled to say something consoling. Nothing they say is helpful to me, grief is something unmanageable that you endure. I have learned from this not to try to console people directly but merely to be present. The "I'll pray for you" thing I find most often is just a filler, an auto cue sort of thing for the emotionally inept and I just brush it off.

For some reason I find the religious have a harder time of such stress and grief but I can't fathom why.

[diamond]

My mum said this to me the other when we were on our way to Perth for court for a legal matter. I'll pray for you that you win. My face just kind of screwed up like it would if someone was selling you shoes, and you had no feet. I was running late and had a long way to go, and had not yet told her I was an atheist. I really wanted to say something, but thought better of it and left. Well, unfortunatly we won so god obviously helped. If she had of told me she was going to pray I would not have spent several thousand $$$ on a great lawyer.
P.S. I suspect mum knows my atheist tendencies after a recent conversation, in which I made the point all religions are now redundant, among other things, but thats another post on another thread.

[4lan]

Originally Posted by rayne

Now I for one love hearing others thoughts on things, more often than not, I hear a perspective from someone that makes me think "Wow, I hadn't thought about it like that before" which is always a good thing. It also helps give a reality check at times.

My question today is: What do people think about people saying they'll pray for you especially in times of stress?

<snip>

I've actually been wrangling over this concept myself, I got quite agitated yesterday after someone made a similar post on a friends facebook status.

Of course; I'm not suggesting this is how individual people intend it but to me the entire offering prayers things is an exercise in imaginary wanking. The learned/conditioned idea that 'praying' is an acceptable method of assisting someone/anything/whatever is vapid when you break it down.

I do use phrases including sympathy and thoughts etc. when someone is sharing 'bad news' but without trying over state the 'prayer' thinking I would suggest it offers a misplaced confidence of actually 'doing' something in those situations for the person making the offer.. It wound me up yesterday thinking that someone could simply throw out the phrase and believe they had made a difference and contributed positively to the situation..

If asked would they offer prayers instead of a monetary contribution to a charity, would it even be accepted if it was..?

In general difficult situations people gain more from positive contributions/expressions and I see the 'pray for you' attitude as a cop out generally for those making the offering.

I'm not a product of a deep religous back ground so I may be lacking in details about intent/purpose/context etc. however for the sake of discussion I wanted to put my opinions 'out there', I just want to explore my attitude and develop it into a position I can be happy/confident about much like Rayne.

Thanks for reading.

4lan

[stevebrooks]

Originally Posted by 4lan

I've actually been wrangling over this concept myself, I got quite agitated yesterday after someone made a similar post on a friends facebook status.............

........... It wound me up yesterday thinking that someone could simply throw out the phrase and believe they had made a difference and contributed positively to the situation..

Well its really summed up nicely in that one, its something they can say they are doing to help, but to not actually get involved. They wouldn't say, "I'm there for you" because you might turn up on their doorstep the next day seeking the help you offered, only to find out that they weren't actually offering any help, just saying something to make it look like they cared.

Its empty words, I'll take action over words any day.

[Lyn7]

I write regularly on health conditions sites about few health issues, and have had a similar response last week when a woman wrote saying she will pray for me to get better. I dont have major illnesses... I relate to the poster of the thread's experience. It is like someone here said - automatic like saying bless you, but not always and some people do mean re praying for you and some actually do...
For me - this type of comment makes me confused for a few seconds as the thoughts like: "what does this mean?" "this is not going to help" etc are whirling in my mind.
After this I continue reading or rereading the post effectively ignoring the comment of this type. Like I would ignore other unhelpful comments. I instead try to focus on the overall positiveness of the message.
Of course comments that eg "you should ask Jesus our Saviour for help" would produce different response especially given repetitively!

I did hear responses of Jesus type before to things that were said or the religious witnessed happen to me and if this gets too persistent I would try to joke about it and try to make the person see how meaningless their comments really are... without that much success usually, but the comments of this nature usually decrease and they find more willing "victims" who listen.

[Lyn7]

This is funny but on occasion I say “thank god this and this happened” even though I never really believed in god even in my religion connected days. This is probably because I have spent so much time around people who use “god,” “messages from above” and other supernatural comments etc in everyday language that it rubbed off on me.. Like languages - I speak two languages and sometimes accidentally speak to the wrong person in the wrong language when tired or distracted. And generally in books there are lot of references to god/gods and prayers - in historical books, dictionaries and fiction too.

[DanDare]

This is funny but on occasion I say “thank god this and this happened” even though I never really believed in god even in my religion connected days.

Yeah, I do that to. I try to stop myself these days but it still leaks out from time to time. And I have never been religious in any way.

[StrangeControl]

Thank Science.

Phew, thank luck, physics, gravity and Japanese engineering* (when I crashed the car).


Thank the Scientists. Thank the trees.

Thank the stars? Well they've done more for me than someones imaginary friend.