realization

[Varaker]

(duplicate post)

[Varaker]

My story wasnt anything to challenging with my beliefs my dad had no religion and my mum believed in everything and she tried to raise me as christian.
As a kid i thought maybe there was a god as i was of course young and full of wonder but ive always been curious and asking questions and no answers were satisfactory enouh for me, im not allowed to question god? Something is wrong with tat.
I was quite interested in scientific things mainly animals and how interesting they could be.
When i was about 9 i asked if i could be baptised even though i was shy being young and asking on my own but i was under the impression that being baptised was something to help you become a good person.
So later i attended a talk with the preacher along with 2 othera wanting to be baptised and i was asked why i wanted to be baptised and my answer was something along the lines of i want help animals and be a good person but i didnt really have any mention to god and so i refused being baptised and i was just left confused after being told so much that god is all good but being good wasnt what was most important to be noticed as being good.
I dont know if there was a time i realised that i wasnt christian i pretty consistently ignored anything religious aside from the praying for birthday presents but the inconsistencies of religion built up. And when i was 15 i started living with my dad who worked away so i could be more independent, which really made me have to think for myself and being the teenage years was a core influence on who i am.
I had alot of spare time to think and realised that problems occur if your mind dwells or if you let yourself expand and believe in something that isnt true the longer you go with it the bigger part of you it becomes and the harder to undo.
And so i made sure to always double check how i think and make sure my thoughts are useful and just went to town on my mind. Alot of conditioning and self brainwashing, experimenting with ideas and getting second opinions. Eventually i realised understandingvof my own mind actually greatly helped me in understanding others and became very open and just sought to absorb different perspectives put them into context and see which were plausible.
Not until i was 18 did i realise the words philosophy, psychology and sociology and made me happy to know i wasnt the only person ever to try answer hard questions and while my peers couldnt comprehend me there was people that could meaning its likely theres others that could now.