To come out to parents or not

[Secme]

First some background, I have been a weak Atheist for at least 6 years, before that agnostic for many years. In the last 18 months I have become a strong Atheist. I have a child with Autism, my wife never impressed her disbelief on me and went along with all my Philosophical woo and Agnosticism. I found out after coming out to her 18months ago that she has never believed, she was raised Christian (Christian schools) but her parents don't believe and never took her to church.
My Mum and Step Dad are fairly stuanch christians, since retiring they have started working with the church to introduce people to christianity, and both work pretty much full weeks at christian charities, my step dad is actually the most christian in that relationship, but also very scientific.
My Dad is also fairly christian, although we don't talk much last time I was in his house I counted 5 prayers that he has put up around the place. My siblings are also christian but to a lot lesser degree.
My issue is I have never come out to any of them, my wife, parents in law, work colleagues and friends all know.

I have an issue as to wether I come out to my parents or not. Not to sound mercenary or anything but we do depend on them for financial support when it comes to therapies for my Child, who on another note is about to go into a Christian school (see here http://www.atheistfoundation.org.au/...ead.php?t=9204 ). My Wife thinks it is better if I leave it alone as we need the support, and if they found out it would be the end of support. Or worse they would get me into one of their indoctronation groups, or try to influence my Child in some way. We have pushed back on some of their religious ceremonies and my Mum has confided in me that she sees the wife as having a problem with religion.
So do I leave it well enough alone, or my theory slowly ease her into it telling her I have lost my faith. I think she suspects telling me a while ago that one of her friends is Agnostic, although she proceeded to explain agnostic to me.

[Emmy]

My first thought is (dont mean to offend): what sort of parents are they if you think they will stop supporting you financially just because you dont believe in the same things they do? That doesnt sound very christian-like! Or very nice!

I kinda agree with Mr Black. This is not like coming out and telling them that you are about to marry a man, or you have cancer and 6 months to live, or you are moving to another country. I am not sure a big announcement needs to be made. It could just be best to feign disinterest when they talk to you about god things, and maybe change the subject, and they will start to get the hint. If they call you on it, then yes, explain, and use the example you gave, about her friend being agnostic, and that if she can have an agnostic for a friend, which is a relationship she has specifically chosen, then she can have an atheist for a son. And just make the whole conversation about respect, that you dont feel any differently about them, that you love them and respect who they are and what they believe, and all you are asking is that they do the same for you in return.

I hope it all works out ok!! At least you have your wife's family if it all goes pearshaped.

Oh - and perhaps talk to your siblings - they may feel the same way you do.

[Bolero]

As a wiser person than me once said:
Walk softly, and carry a big stick.

I mean, why not just do it gradually, gently, and without any obvious antagonism, until such time as you are challanged, then whip out the big stick and tell them exactly why you think the way you do? No reason for it to be a conflict or a hostile situation, really, is there?

[ichbinspikeface]

Originally Posted by Bolero

As a wiser person than me once said:
Walk softly, and carry a big stick.

I mean, why not just do it gradually, gently, and without any obvious antagonism, until such time as you are challanged, then whip out the big stick and tell them exactly why you think the way you do? No reason for it to be a conflict or a hostile situation, really, is there?

Hey, I did this for years! Worked for me for ages, and then the topic finally came up and the bomb was dropped!

[FSM]

Originally Posted by Emmy

I kinda agree with Mr Black. This is not like coming out and telling them that you are about to marry a man, or you have cancer and 6 months to live, or you are moving to another country. I am not sure a big announcement needs to be made. It could just be best to feign disinterest when they talk to you about god things, and maybe change the subject, and they will start to get the hint. If they call you on it, then yes, explain, and use the example you gave

I second that approach.
There is little practical gain to be made by telling them outright and "coming out".

Dave.

[BlueDevil]

Originally Posted by The Irreverent Mr Black

@Secme: do your folks really need to know? For that matter, do you need to tell them?

I'm not saying that from a mercenary motive, but thinking that currently everybody is comparatively happy.

Consider the way things would change in terms of personal comfort levels, and weigh up gains and costs.

I think Mr Black speaks with great wisdom!

I also think you should consider the financial aspect very carefully and not feel that you are being 'mercenary' in relation to this. If your child needs special support and you feel that there is even a slight chance that financial assistance could be withdrawn then you should tread very carefully - don't take any risks that could jeopardize your childs future.

[Sir Patrick Crocodile]

I used to be a muslim myself and let it out gradually. As Black said above, you should only tell them when necessary. While you have support and while you need it, they don't know and don't need to know what your beliefs are I reckon.

I wanted to let them know about it. I first of all started questioning the religion in front of them, and expecting the usual creotard answers. Then challenged them and so on. They did not know I was an atheist until 2009-2010 or so. So I think I can advise taking it in stages.

I used to get eviction threats from my parents until a few years ago for even thinking about not being a muslim. Now they are a little more "tolerant" towards my "nonbelief" but still sometimes get pissed off at it.

Now I am a little more "hard" and will snap at any bollocks that comes to me, whether it be an email or whatever.

[Onlyatheory?]

I think that the simple way to look at this is 'What is most important to you?'....ie: What is it that really matters to you the most when all sides to this are weighed up?

[Secme]

Originally Posted by The Irreverent Mr Black

@Secme: do your folks really need to know? For that matter, do you need to tell them?
.

I supposed they don't really need to know, but it is getting hard. She actually asked me once wether I still believed, I cowardly skirted the issue. I don't want to lie to her, so I think I will need to slowly tell her and see how it goes.

Originally Posted by Emmy

My first thought is (dont mean to offend): what sort of parents are they if you think they will stop supporting you financially just because you dont believe in the same things they do? That doesnt sound very christian-like! Or very nice!.

Hmm, well I guess I have read enough coming out stories to know that some are so deeply offended by someones lack of belief that they have never spoken to them again. My Parents lives now-a-days are religion, I can see a possibility that they will never speak to me again, it is not rational but then neither is their belief, and they deep down know it so they protect it with the same irrationality.

[RealityRules]

Secme,

Can you start by being a bit vague. Saying something vague like you are having trouble with faith, or your faith is being challenged or faith is challenging??

Then leave it a while and see how the waters lie.