Foster Care

[Lilith]

I just thought I'd post a general enquiry here, to see if anybody on the boards has any experience with foster care. I've been dipping my toe and making the initial enquiries about becoming a carer but yesterday I kinda baulked a little when one of the first questions asked of me was "What is your religion?"
I'm wondering if it will be something that will count against me during the assessment of my suitability as a carer. I can be fairly neutral, I think - in not saying anything against a child's parent's religious practices, or interfering with practices that the child wishes to participate in on their own (I'm not about to interrupt them if they kneel for bedtime prayer or say grace or anything) - but I know that I'm not willing to participate in another parent's indoctrination practices, i.e. continuing to enforce a prayer schedule that they've set or attending church with them.

The only thing I've been able to find so far (This booklet) only speaks of it from the other way around - for carers who are religious dealing with non-religious children in care (One of the carer quotes is puke worthy- "We just brought them to the venue - now look, they're religious all by themselves!")

It's probably the least of my worries - our family isn't exactly conventional! .. But I'd be curious to hear other people's thoughts and experiences.

[gruber]

my grandparents used to do it (my mums parents), my Granny is still in contact with them. They used to look after the ones who, well usualy werent first pick for adoption, such as kids who's mum was raped, i think their called cotten babies, his skin comes off real easy i actually meet him in the local groceres, babies who have given up on life. They had most that were difficult to begin with but after days working the farm they soon started calming down.

It seems to be very rewarding when they come to visit my Granny with their family

[rosiemacduck]

A most admirable venture Lilith. I am familiar with fostering through my involvement with Dept of Child Safety and it is a lot harder than it looks. The kiddies you are likely to be fostering, for the most part, come from abusive backgrounds. Many of these kids have extremely challenging behaviours and can push you to your emotional limit. Expect to be stolen from, have your house trashed, hear swearing the likes of which you have previously not encountered, face truancy, and running away. Unless of course you go for fostering babies. I am not aware of religion being an issue. The Department is just happy to be able to find people willing to foster. Because of a shortage of carers you may also be pressured to take on more children than you'd like. However, I am aware of some outstanding people who put their lives on hold for these kids, and I'm sure it could be very rewarding if you have a strong constitution. Good luck and good for you if you decide to go ahead.

[gruber]

My mum told me one of the main reasons they act out is that some have been bounced around to different families so they go wild because they think if they act that way they'll be moved to the next family sooner and that you will make it happen since the others have done it

[Praxis]

Good on you Lilith. I wouldn't think the religion question would hold much sway over a decision. Just mark "none" and they'll probably be grateful they can tick that irksome little trait off their list!

I used to work with a woman who had fostered quite a lot of kids over the years. Her chief complaints and laments were these:

1. The constant changing of case managers, with the new one never bothering to find out what the previous one had done and thus making some really stupid decisions/choices - sometimes even having three or more case managers in one year.

2. Losing kids that had just begun to show progress and shunting them off to another family without much warning and not being allowed to keep in contact (several have since come back to visit her once they grew up and escaped the system).

3. The gut-wrenching emotion of fostering a tiny baby from an abusive/drug addled parent/parents, often for many months, totally bonding with the child, then having to hand them back to the useless biological parents who had got their shit together only as much as necessary to get their child back and later learning that it "didn't work out" (surprise!) and that the poor wee thing had been moved along to another foster family.

So I tip my hat to anyone brave enough to take on the truly altruistic role of foster parent. In all of the various types of parenting that can be done, I reckon this one is surely one of the hardest. On everyone.

All the very best with it.

[Lilith]

Thanks for your responses, guys. I have some idea of what I'm in for - I was a foster child myself for a number of years and have worked in the childcare industry - not as a carer, on the account/administration/policy&procedure side of things. So it wont be a total shock to the system.

I remember a couple of different families where there was a very strong feeling of imposing on the family - as though they felt forced to have foster children as part of 'doing their christian duty'.. It was a pretty icky feeling. I was dragged along to a fair number of churches and paraded around their friends so that they could get pats on the back and congratulations. I hated that. If you expressed anything other than devoted gratitude you were just an ungrateful heathen that obviously doesn't know any better because you haven't been exposed to true christians - We'll pray for you. Blech.

I didn't consider that maybe the agencies can't afford to be that picky. .. That makes me feel a bit better about ticking the atheist box in the evaluation.

[Annie]

Hi Lilith. I've taught a few kids who were in foster care and a couple who were taken from the classroom and placed immediately in foster care by the agency. Apparently there is less chance of immediate conflict when it's done that way. Anyhow, the foster kids I've taught which have all been from illicit drug dependent parents, have been more street wise than the other kids. You'll need to keep that thinking cap on and be one step ahead.

I'm sure it can be both heart wrenching and extremely rewarding and not for the faint hearted.

If I was 10 years younger and not enjoying my own kids' independence of me I might consider it. Wishing you well.

[gruber]

atm me and my mum are looking after my 12 yr old cousin and have his 19yr old brother living here

[Jerry]

Originally Posted by Lilith

I just thought I'd post a general enquiry here, to see if anybody on the boards has any experience with foster care. I've been dipping my toe and making the initial enquiries about becoming a carer but yesterday I kinda baulked a little when one of the first questions asked of me was "What is your religion?"
I'm wondering if it will be something that will count against me during the assessment of my suitability as a carer. I can be fairly neutral, I think - in not saying anything against a child's parent's religious practices, or interfering with practices that the child wishes to participate in on their own (I'm not about to interrupt them if they kneel for bedtime prayer or say grace or anything) - but I know that I'm not willing to participate in another parent's indoctrination practices, i.e. continuing to enforce a prayer schedule that they've set or attending church with them.

The only thing I've been able to find so far (This booklet) only speaks of it from the other way around - for carers who are religious dealing with non-religious children in care (One of the carer quotes is puke worthy- "We just brought them to the venue - now look, they're religious all by themselves!")

It's probably the least of my worries - our family isn't exactly conventional! .. But I'd be curious to hear other people's thoughts and experiences.

First let me thank you for the monumental service you are providing to the children and to the greater society. Being a foster parent is very hard, as there's a good reason these children are in 'the system' in the first place, but the years of work will pay off when that child becomes a successful adult, acquires a little perspective after being in the world on their own, and comes back to thank you.

Tho I have not become a foster parent myself yet (I'm not to that point in my life yet), my parents have been fosters for nearly 20 years and I've had quite a number of foster brothers and sisters.

My father lives in South Dakota, America, and is licensed through Lutheran Social Services (LSS). While a faith-based organisation with obvious but not overbearing religious overtones, LSS received Federal funding and is therefore subject to numerous Federal/secular guidelines. LSS, despite the churches position on homosexuality, does not discriminate based on sexual orientation. Neither does it discriminate based on the foster parent's religion (exceptions allowed by the state do exist).

While LSS provides all the classes and licensure, the license itself is approved by the Secretary of State and all classes meet or exceed Federal standards.

LSS is not allowed to proselytize foster parents or foster children in any way.

My mother lives in California, America, is licensed directly through the state and was still asked demographical questions such as her religion.

It's my experience that you were likely asked your religion as part of a much larger standard questioner, which also asked you about your family make up, your home, income, criminal history, etc. In the US the Federal government requires a great amount of demographical data not directly related to qualifying one for a foster licence.

I hope that helps

[Lilith]

Thanks Jerry, that does help.

I've been asked some pretty intensely personal questions - which is as it should be! - I'm expecting the process to be utterly intrusive too. Frankly, I would be worried if it wasn't. We've been told to expect 4 or 5 home visits to do an in-depth psych eval before they'll recommend us for training, then the training is a couple of weekend sessions.. which sounds mostly like an introduction to who's who in 'the system' and crisis management.

This agency sounds like a similar setup to the group that your father is registered with - the agency administrates it and carries out all the case work, but the big fish is child protective services who administrate them. She did say that quite a few of her colleagues are 'very catholic' .. so I don't know if they're overbearingly so in their professional conduct yet.. she's the only one I've met. We'll find out soon enough - if it gets to be a problem, I can apply to be looked after by another agency.

Just curious though, what do you mean when you say "exceptions by the state do exist" with regards to religious discrimination in South Dakota? Have you heard of exceptions?