A bit about me 2

[Ervin]

Hi everyone. First of all for those who don't know me my real name is Ervin, I am 32 years old and I live in Melbourne.

I am an atheist now who has been searching for the right religion for aproximately 6/7 years.

I have gone from being a believer who doesn't know anything about the religion, you know simply believing in God but not knowing what it says in the Koran or the bible.

Then about 6/7 years ago I started looking into Budhism and I thought, yeah great, karma makes sense, you are sufering in this life while being good because of your previous lifes deeds. I thought wow this makes sense. And the budhist nun, you know full of these wise metaphors. I thought these people can't posibly lie.

There are Monks and nuns who claim that they can see your previous lives. I thought there is no way these wise monks and nuns would ever lie. I mean why sacrifice so much as well.

So I stuck to that for a while. Then because of certain experiences I thought that God was punishing me and that I have to repent. So I started praying islamic prayer five times a day for about six months.

Allthat time I was thinking wether christians were right. I mean how do you know.

Why an Islamic prayer? Because my father is a muslim( my mom is a christian). They are both from Yugoslavia. I was born in Melbourne, lived overe there for a while and came back.

Why were most of the christians christian because there heritage is christian.

One day I started thinking that the Koran, the bBble and any other religious texts are lies, but I believed that we were created so I ended up a deist.

From deist I evolved into an atheist. From atheist I ended up again looking into diferent religions because for me it is not hard to believe in God. As I was looking into diferent religions I started thinking that there is a devil. I mean just by looking at all the evil in the world I simply started thinking there is someone influencing us.

Now I simply have to think of things like sceptics annotated bible/koran. Look at the contradictions, remind my self what a great bunch you are here and end up with near proof that there is no invisible man in te sky. Or another one siting cros leged waiting for us to realise that nothing exists.

Look comrades, I can be a very naive person!

Its good to be home!

Thanks

[Brother Nelson]

Ervin, what are you thinking at the moment? Are you still open to the possibility that a god exists?

[Ervin]

Ervin, what are you thinking at the moment? Are you still open to the possibility that a god exists?

Right now at this stage no. Last night I spent thinking of all the arguments against God and I thought there can't be one.

I supose if the so called scriptures were good then it would be posible. But because of the contradictions and absurdities the answer is no.

In the past when ever I would have these terible nightmares I would think that they are an outside ionfluence. When I say in the past its only since I have been sufering scizhophrenia.

But now when I get them they don't convert me to a believer. I look for other explanations. The problem is that aparently nobody knows why we get nightmares.

And the main reason I wil say again that I lost belief is because the scriptures prove it. And in Deism I can't see why God didn't give us any instructions.

And due to some expiriences that I am having with the certain dapartments I have realised that I am very naive and that I believe sometimes to much and I think that some people take advantage of that(not necessarily the religious). So I have once again become very sceptical of people and their intentions.

Thanks