Today is Good Friday

[youngmoigle]

I doubt the faithful will hear the resurrection story told in quite this way...

(from The Bible Contradicts Itself, published by Ingersoll News, 1968)


When did the women visit the tomb?
Mark: At the rising of the sun
John: While it was yet dark

Who came?
John: Mary Magdalene alone
Matthew: Mary Magdalene and the other Mary
Mark: Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome
Luke: Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James and other women

Was the tomb open or closed?
Luke: Open
Matthew: Closed

Whom did they see at the tomb?
Matthew: An angel
Mark: A young man
Luke: Two men
John: Two angels

Were they inside the tomb or outside?
Matthew: Outside
Mark, Luke & John: Inside

Were they standing or sitting?
Luke: Standing
Matthew, Mark & John: Sitting

Did Mary Magdalene see them?
John: No
Matthew, Mark & Luke: Yes

Who was frightened by the men/angels?
Matthew: The keepers
Mark & Luke: The women

Did the women see Jesus?
Matthew: They did. JC met them just after they left the tomb.
Luke: They did not

Did the women tell the disciples what they had seen?
Luke: They did
Mark: They did not

Did Mary Magdalene recognise Jesus?
Matthew: She did
John: She did not

How many disciples visited the tomb?
Luke: Peter alone
John: Peter and another

Was Mary Magdalene permitted to touch Jesus?
Matthew: Yes
John: No

Where did Jesus appear to the disciples?
Matthew: In Galilee
Luke: In Jerusalem

Were all the disciples convinced of the resurrection?
John: They were
Matthew: Some doubted

How did the disciples feel after seeing Jesus?
John: Glad
Luke: Terrified and affrighted

How many times did Jesus appear to the disciples?
Matthew, Mark & Luke: Once
John: Three times


Amazingly, the apologists have managed to "harmonise" these stories to the point where the believers can no longer see the contradictions! Isn't faith wonderful?

[Vonnie]

Thank you - I love this! Are bible bashers deluded... or just plain stupid?!

Vonnie

[66 vegie]

It makes me wonder how any sane person can believe this...maybe that's the problem.:rolleyes:

[DanDare]

So much of the tale makes no sense and yet has been repeated so often you fail to notice how silly it is. On another forum I saw a great bit of consciousness raising about the crucifixion. What is the connection between Jebus dying and our sins? (you know "jesus died for your sins"). That's as sensible as saying "I hit myself in the foot with a shovel for your mortgage".

[Godless Ray]

Dan,

Good question.

When it is said Jebus died for our sins can someone who knows explain?

Is it everyone sins for all time?
Just the people presumably alive that day?
I don't understand the idea of judgement day if the "sacrefice" (cough) is forgiving us.. how the whole other bit works? You know.. in thier ...ah..umm..oh...brains ??.. I guess.

Godless Ray

[MikeM]

I don't contradictions in the Bible are evidence for the basic story being incorrect.

Take the war in in Iraq. One news outlet might report it as being a success for the Americans and another news outlet reports it as a total failure. But those contradictions do not mean there is no war in Iraq.

I have had a keen interest in dinosaurs for most of my life and that is an area that is loaded with contradictions. But even so, I don't think there is anyone who disbelieves that in the past there were very large reptile type animals walking around.

[MikeM]

Are we moving to the thread that joins. I will do Star Trek there:)

[eclectic]

thanks for this youngmoigle. :) So funny... yet so scary. But then we know how it works - many of us here have been victims of childhood indoctrination into the church and learnt the facts later... for many it is easier to go with the 'vibe' (as my partner put it last night) of the religion they believe they are part of, and ignore all the evidence to the contrary.

[NakedApe]

I've raised the issue of Bible contradictions with christians before, only to be told that the discrepancies are "minor" and don't affect the truth of the story - in much the same way MikeM did.
I usually then ask them if a story so full of contradictory evidence would stand up in a Court of Law. Some respond with silence, others use the old theist ploy of repeating the same nonsense claim over and over in the vain hope it will suddenly come true.
That's the trouble with arguing with faith-heads. You can rub their noses in the sh!t that is their faith all you like but they just can't smell it.:)

[SchizoDeluxe]

http://i558.photobucket.com/albums/ss22/f451_645/?action=view&current=FG711.flv

[davo]

http://i558.photobucket.com/albums/ss22/f451_645/?action=view&current=FG711.flv

I loved that episode, tho it could have ended better ...