Married to a believer?

[SchizoDeluxe]

Just curious as to whether anyone here is married or has a partner who is religious and how that relationship works, are there a lot of arguments or tensions because of the differences or is it not an issue?

I suppose the other question would be, if anyone is not in that situation, would you consider being with someone who was a believer? And when I say believer, I don't mean like in an apathy kind of way where they believe in a god but don't really care about it either, but an actual religious person, devout or moderate.

I myself am not married nor most likely ever will but my partner is an atheist so it hasn't been an issue but it does make me wonder sometimes if I could be in a relationship with someone who did believe.

[eclectic]

I am with a fellow atheist now, (who I am soon marrying) but in the past I have had liaisons with believers. Being with an atheist is so refreshing, I don't know how I did anything different before! (i hope i never have to have a relationship with anyone else... i really can't imagine doing anything other than being a sluttish spinster for the rest of my days should he die or leave me, so i can't answer what i'd do in future relationships).

My former relationships were never that serious - never destined for marriage or any equivalent committment... so the only encounter with religion I can think of is with the man I had a long-term affair with in the UK. I found out that although he'd mocked his Ma's religiousity (a word?) he was himself a Christian believer. I was amused and said rather rudely "what?! you believe in heaven and a little man in the sky controlling everything?" He was sort of embarrassed and we never discussed religion again.

[Kid]

Fortunately not married to a believer, and I don't think I could, especially if he was a TB (True Believer)...he would have to be one hell of guy with one hell of a big...well you know...to woo me into marriage, and he would have to fully accept my atheism; none of this converting to his religion crap and I would then join Eclectic in being a slutty spinster...(Love that bTW Eclectic...)

I even broke off a friendship with someone I was fairly close too cos she became a raving and devout catholic when she married one, and proceeded from then on to lay that smug self righteous catholic rubbish on me, especially when she found out I didn't have my children baptised. Why would an atheist baptise their babies? She gave me one of those smug, oh that means your baby will go to limbo if he dies look, and I was a new mother at the time, and from then on, my feelings became sour and hurt and I could no longer deal with her. Religion does poison things far too much...sad but true.:(

[eclectic]

Fortunately not married to a believer, and I don't think I could, especially if he was a TB (True Believer)...he would have to be one hell of guy with one hell of a big...well you know...to woo me into marriage, and he would have to fully accept my atheism; none of this converting to his religion crap and I would then join Eclectic in being a slutty spinster...(Love that bTW Eclectic...)

Cheers. :) It was the lifestyle I had originally planned for myself, but then this charming lad came along and I just don't want to share him!

I even broke off a friendship with someone I was fairly close too cos she became a raving and devout catholic when she married one, and proceeded from then on to lay that smug self righteous catholic rubbish on me, especially when she found out I didn't have my children baptised. Why would an atheist baptise their babies? She gave me one of those smug, oh that means your baby will go to limbo if he dies look, and I was a new mother at the time, and from then on, my feelings became sour and hurt and I could no longer deal with her. Religion does poison things far too much...sad but true.:(

That's really sad. :( And crazy to become so devout about baptism etc when she didn't believe in it before!

My partner's mother asked him how it would affect our relationship if he returned to his childhood Catholicism. He said it wasn't very likely, and the problem would be with him being religious at all, not the particular brand he chose... I can't see any circumstances that would cause him to choose 'faith' - I mean, if there was some sort of physical evidence for doG, we might both have to change our minds in a scientific, but not 'believing' sort of way - but if he DID 'find faith', I would be very sad and wanting to fix him.

[Buddhish]

My husband was....

It took me a long time to get here, but having made that journey it would be a deal breaker to suggest I go back there!

The situation seems highly unlikely, given our 12 year marriage to date (but being Athiests, we obviously have no moral compass, so could well give into our immoral impulses....)

Having said that, immoral impulses are highly unlikely to lead me back to the guilt-factories anyway!:D

[Kojiro]

I wouldn't even consider dating a 'true believer' and I'd make my position clear up front. That said, we can't choose who we love sometimes and if I found myself there, then I'd consider it like any other personality flaw- remember all the reasons you love the person and overlook it. I think it's also worth noting that on a long enough timeline any relationship between a strong believer and a strong atheist is bound to end in the conversion of one or the other- more likely the believer I'd say just due to being worn down by rationality and evidence.

That said, I'd be firm about children, and to be honest I'm not sure it'd be possible to raise a religious child with one parent being staunchly athesistic.

[Cody]

I suppose the other question would be, if anyone is not in that situation, would you consider being with someone who was a believer?
God no. My partner and I argue enough as it is. In fact if hell's real and they're trying to come up with a good punishment for me when I die, I would suggest forcing me to spend eternity in a relationship with a believer.

[Stueee86]

Girlfriend's Christian. It's a bit strange, no one in her family is, she just started going to church one day. Really I hadn't had much contact with religious people before her. Everyone I can think of is atheist, or so moderate I've never noticed. I don't think it's a huge issue. She believes the bible, but doesn't goto church. Prays when she wants something. Thinks I'm going to hell (seriously!). We had a few talks/debates/arguments about it. I think we're over talking about it now though. I know where she stands and she knows me. I was curious to see how it worked. Believing I mean. She doesn't seem to share a thirst for scientific knowledge. I guess that has something to do it. Maybe not. But she's not pushing religion onto me or anyone else, and it seems to give her comfort and make her happy. I don't understand belief, but I can live with it. Sorry about the slab of text, I'm guessing the line breaks get removed due to first post...

[youngmoigle]

Mum was a Christian and Dad was a rock solid atheist, but it was no big deal for them. Probably no more tension than you would find in a household where one person liked football and the other didn't.

Although I do remember one day when mum was late getting back from church and dinner was late. Dad was getting more and more impatient and I heard him muttering under his breath, "Bloody psalm singing bastards..."

[cheree]

The Evil Vicar's Wife (neither evil, nor my wife, nor is either of us anything at all to do with a vicar).

At the risk of seeming STOOPID... can someone explain the evil vicars wife thing to me??? Im feeling a little left out of the joke.:confused:

[M0381U5]

I was engaged to an Assembly of Dog christian, many years ago.

We had been friends for years before, unawares of her fundamentalism, we caught the bus together everyday, would joke and laugh and carry on. I finally managed to convince her to take me on. So one day I went around her place for dinner, to meet her family. They set the table, and began to give thanks for the meal. It wasn't an uncommon thing to experience, and i think more of a habit to most then a ritual. I bowed my head and said Amen, and enjoyed the meal. Was not long after, the interrogation began, as to my spiritual fantasies. I had never been indoctrinated into religion, thought it quiet funny, and had never taken it seriously at all. each to their own was my philosophy.

Next thing I now I am being blackmailed into Sunday Church and Mid Week bible studies, or I could not see her. Considering he level of indoctrination, she was quite partial for the pork parcel, and was often late for Sunday dinner, praying for forgiveness regularly. luckily it was never a tool of extortion.

Eventually, it became intolerable, her father become more and more fanatical about my continuous absence from the congregation, and her drive to give herself a higher place in heaven became to much. I insisted that she could go, but i didn't feel the need to, trying to show some understanding and consideration, to no avail.

The banter got worse. I had always been a great admirer of Astronomy and of Dinosaurs. Not that i was any great achiever in the these fields, but new enough to understand the principles of evolution and geology. One day, the whole 6000yr old earth thing was asserted and enforced, and I retaliated with the fossil record and geology, to which I received an amazing statement that, they were all fake, made up by scientists to trick us. I do like a good conspiracy, but I had never met anyone that actually
tried to debunk fossil records with faith. After this presentation of total idiocy and flat out lies, things went down hill quite quickly, though the coitus continued, along with the repenting. its a good idea that repenting....great stuff.

Any how things just got to much. we agreed to break up. and she told me she couldnt live with out 'IT' and we never saw each other again, not long after that she found a compliant guy with in the year, and forced him into marriage and the church.

I was not an out and out atheist then, just a non believer, if there is a difference, and I am not an atheist now because of this either, well a little, but not completely.

[Seamus]

well a little, but not completely. Isn't being a little bit atheist like being a 'little bit pregnant"?

If you simply don't believe,you're an atheist.

If you believe 'a bit' you're at least a theist of some kind.

If you just just don't know,you're agnostic.

I call myself "an agnostic atheist". I assert "I do not believe in god(s). I do not assert there ARE no gods,because I don't know that for a fact. I may be mistaken, although I believe that's unlikely.

[eclectic]

Isn't being a little bit atheist like being a 'little bit pregnant"?

If you simply don't believe,you're an atheist.

If you believe 'a bit' you're at least a theist of some kind.

If you just just don't know,you're agnostic.

I call myself "an agnostic atheist". I assert "I do not believe in god(s). I do not assert there ARE no gods,because I don't know that for a fact. I may be mistaken, although I believe that's unlikely.

I think the quote you quoted was saying that their out-and-out atheism was a little CAUSED by the story above... not saying that they are little bit atheist.

[mick]

My ex-girlfriend was a Catholic. It was all well and good until one of my closest mates died. She decided it was up to her to convince me that Catholicism was the only way, and that I'd end up never seeing him again if I kept to my atheist ways (I'd end up in hell or purgatory). It was a constant push for her to get me to go back to Catholicism (which I ditched as soon as I knew it was actually an option).

Isn't it funny how they always try to convert you when you're in a low place? If that's not enough evidence of cult-like brainwashing, I don't know what is.

Anyway, back to the story. After x amount of time putting up with the constant "once you go Cath you never go back" bullshit, I gave her the flick. I really couldn't believe that anybody could be stupid enough to believe in that fruity religion. It's a constant contradiction; every fucking step of the way. I really looked down on her from the time of my mates passing on. When you can't see past their stupidity and feel nothing but disgust for a person, relationships don't work.

My current girlfriend is a closer-to-atheism-than-theism agnostic. We've been together for 5 years and are extremely happy. We laugh together at the idiocracies of religion, and enjoy living in what my ex would have called "sin". We would rather spend our money on travelling the world together than wasting it on marriage and children. She was also with a Catholic before we got together and felt the same pressures to be part of a religion that she knew was utter bullshit.

I could never, ever, ever go back to being with a religious person--of any religion. The sacrifices are too great, and the rewards are too few. It's a constant push and pull battle, and the religious always seem to have their families backing that push. Unless the person you're with is a non-practising-<insertreligion>, I wouldn't recommend it.

That's my $0.02. Do with it what you will.

[Ozziebloke]

Wow.... All the talk about sluttish spinsters in the early posts in this thread has got me thinking impure thoughts!! :D

[TÐöer]

Next thing I now I am being blackmailed into Sunday Church and Mid Week bible studies, or I could not see her. Considering he level of indoctrination, she was quite partial for the pork parcel, and was often late for Sunday dinner, praying for forgiveness regularly. luckily it was never a tool of extortion.

Amen

I am in the middle of haggling with a christian I am interested in; That things could still work, even though I'm not one. As it is, religion is just a belief, all couples have different believes, why should this break us? (she ended our short relationship, when I skipped easter)

I don't think I have any problem going to church. It's just a house with windows, benches and religious props, where people go to feel, comfort. (of course I dont tell her these. :p You can guess which parts I omit.)

if we do have children, she can force them to sunday school, I have nothing against it. It's a mother's right to educate her children. I will not interefere, except, inject some critical thinking into them, such as "Why do people feel the benefits no matter what religion they are in?" and "How do we know that 1 religion is true and another false?" and "How do people fall for cults (unlegalized religion)"?

Who knows how they will turn out. They have the right to their own oppinions too.

It's pretty sad, that people cannot be together because of religion.