dolkowski
19th March 2010, 04:46 PM
I was raised in a very catholic family (9 kids – I’m the oldest). I went to a catholic school in years 1 to 6 and was an altar boy for most of that time. I was indoctrinated so thoroughly that I wanted to become a priest from a very early age.
I went to a seminary for my first two years of high school. The school was in a different state (this was in the USA) from where I lived and was away from home except during the summer holidays and Christmas (remember that the States has their summer from Jul to Sep).
Well, a funny thing happened when I was on the bus to go back to the seminary following the second Christmas holiday – I just panicked! I just did not want to go back. There was no prior warning, no feelings of doubt before this, I was perfectly happy at the seminary. Yet in one instant, something in me snapped and I no longer wanted to become a priest.
I was talked into finishing the school year (which ends in June) and then see how I felt. I knew I wouldn’t change my mind, and I didn’t.
Why did this happen? I have always been one that thinks about things and this creeps into my subconcious. I get many ideas just after I wake up or wake up in the middle of the night with an idea of how to solve some issue in my life. Having a very logical brain for the other aspects of my life, perhaps I couldn’t reconcile religion with logic. Who knows? But I was still a practicing catholic for many years after this episode.
I remained a devout catholic through uni and as I began my long career in the US Air Force. I was very fascinated with technology, but because of my poor eyesight, I could not enter pilot training. So my second choice was to become a missile launch officer – one of those guys that would willingly end the world if the Soviet Union pisses us off enough. If you remember the movie ‘War Games’, you will get a glimpse of this. The actual control room was very realistic but the scenario and the actions of the officers (drawing guns on each other) was not.
Anyway, the missile crew is a two man crew that goes below ground (about 20 meters) in a capsule shaped room to launch the missiles if and when ordered to. About 75% of the time is pure boredom (in fact, I got a Masters in Business Adminstration while in this career doing all my work while below ground). The other officer I was crewed with was an atheist. We spent hours arguing our respective philosophies. Doubts about my faith were starting to creep in at this point since I frequently tried to analyse why I left the seminary as I did. I argued with my fellow officer but also deliberately as a test to myself to see if I could convince myself.
I failed.
I was in the missile career field for 5 years. At the end of this period, I applied for and was accepted to attend an Air Force University to study Astronautical Engineering (rocket science). From this point on, my career was in military space technology development. My constant analysis of the discussions below ground slowly, but surely, convinced me that my faith was not rational. At about the age of 30, I was able to confidently declare myself an atheist. Of course, with the American military being a very conservative organisation, I did not feel compelled to advertise this.
But now I am in Australia (that is another story but it’s not related to atheism). Since becoming an atheist, I have been irritated with the nonsecular nature of our government and the lack of social acceptance of atheists. I started reading atheist books and after I read the God Delusion, decided to become more vocal about my lack of god(s). But real life creeps in with work, family, etc and I found little time to get active.
My wife and I attended the Global Atheist Convention and have jointly decide to get more active – hence my joining of this forum and other things.
I look forward to discussing this story and other free thinking topics in the years to come.
I went to a seminary for my first two years of high school. The school was in a different state (this was in the USA) from where I lived and was away from home except during the summer holidays and Christmas (remember that the States has their summer from Jul to Sep).
Well, a funny thing happened when I was on the bus to go back to the seminary following the second Christmas holiday – I just panicked! I just did not want to go back. There was no prior warning, no feelings of doubt before this, I was perfectly happy at the seminary. Yet in one instant, something in me snapped and I no longer wanted to become a priest.
I was talked into finishing the school year (which ends in June) and then see how I felt. I knew I wouldn’t change my mind, and I didn’t.
Why did this happen? I have always been one that thinks about things and this creeps into my subconcious. I get many ideas just after I wake up or wake up in the middle of the night with an idea of how to solve some issue in my life. Having a very logical brain for the other aspects of my life, perhaps I couldn’t reconcile religion with logic. Who knows? But I was still a practicing catholic for many years after this episode.
I remained a devout catholic through uni and as I began my long career in the US Air Force. I was very fascinated with technology, but because of my poor eyesight, I could not enter pilot training. So my second choice was to become a missile launch officer – one of those guys that would willingly end the world if the Soviet Union pisses us off enough. If you remember the movie ‘War Games’, you will get a glimpse of this. The actual control room was very realistic but the scenario and the actions of the officers (drawing guns on each other) was not.
Anyway, the missile crew is a two man crew that goes below ground (about 20 meters) in a capsule shaped room to launch the missiles if and when ordered to. About 75% of the time is pure boredom (in fact, I got a Masters in Business Adminstration while in this career doing all my work while below ground). The other officer I was crewed with was an atheist. We spent hours arguing our respective philosophies. Doubts about my faith were starting to creep in at this point since I frequently tried to analyse why I left the seminary as I did. I argued with my fellow officer but also deliberately as a test to myself to see if I could convince myself.
I failed.
I was in the missile career field for 5 years. At the end of this period, I applied for and was accepted to attend an Air Force University to study Astronautical Engineering (rocket science). From this point on, my career was in military space technology development. My constant analysis of the discussions below ground slowly, but surely, convinced me that my faith was not rational. At about the age of 30, I was able to confidently declare myself an atheist. Of course, with the American military being a very conservative organisation, I did not feel compelled to advertise this.
But now I am in Australia (that is another story but it’s not related to atheism). Since becoming an atheist, I have been irritated with the nonsecular nature of our government and the lack of social acceptance of atheists. I started reading atheist books and after I read the God Delusion, decided to become more vocal about my lack of god(s). But real life creeps in with work, family, etc and I found little time to get active.
My wife and I attended the Global Atheist Convention and have jointly decide to get more active – hence my joining of this forum and other things.
I look forward to discussing this story and other free thinking topics in the years to come.