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Hell Girl
25th February 2009, 09:12 PM
I grew up in a xian family. Mum was pretty strict. She taught scripture at my school and Dad was heavily involved in the church too. We had bible readings at the dinner table (yuck), were forced to go to church/sunday school, and were preached at ad nauseum. The moralising was awful, especially from mum. ALways on about saving myself for marriage and dressing modestly. Ghastly. I copped most of it because I was a girl - I think my younger brothers weren't so browbeaten.

I first remember having doubts about faith when I was maybe 12 or 13 - I asked the sunday school teacher why Judas was so hated, if without him god's plan for jesus to die and save us from sin blah blah wouldn't have gone ahead. Her answer didn't make sense of course, but she was an adult, so I suppose I put the matter aside.

When I was 13 I got mixed up in another loony evangelical outfit via a friend. I was known in school as a 'bible basher' - a horrible label for any child. One day in some form of 'youth group' or another at church, the group started praying that evolution would not be taught in schools. I piped up, 'What's wrong with evolution? I believe in it!'. (My mother had never been a creationist - just a very fervent anglican). Well - I was lectured and shouted at and ended up in tears and never went back.

I guess for the next few years my faith ebbed and flowed. It got stronger when I was unhappy and not so strong on other occasions. When I was 22 another friend (some friends, these!) introduced me to a cultish pentecostal church where I 'spoke in tonges' and saw all kinds of other nonsense going on. I must say I bridled at being told 'women must be submissive to men' etc, and I hated the whole evangelical money money money tithing cr*p. I met a bloke there who had a different concept of chastity to me, but in the end I adopted his concept, and we were preached at from the pulpit for our sinful ways. So I left that church. A couple of years later, the guru/pastor was accused of soliciting some of the young men in the church. I wasn't surprised - like Ted Haggard and many others, I think his god delusion had convinced him he was entitled, or something.

Then, happily, the upward spiral to atheism commenced. I got a bit interested in new age rubbish for a while - no idea why - maybe it was part of my letting go process... and then I thought maybe I was agnostic. But for the past two or three years I have been able to proudly say that I don't believe in a skerrick of anything allegedly supernatural. And what a lovely thing it is to finally be free of so much ridiculous mumbo jumbo. I can't say when the scales actually fell off my eyes and I declared atheism. I just remember little events that led up to it over a rather long time. Like going to a baptist church for a baptism and hearing the preacher say that when jesus returned to earth, it would be shown live on TV. I just had to laugh. And there was the time my (then) sister-in-law's husband, an insanely devout baptist, saw Boy George on TV and said, 'He oughta be shot!' Xian hypocrisy and their inablity to comprehend it knows no bounds.

I guess like many of you might be, I'm still angry at being indoctrinated as a child. I see it as a form of passive child abuse. It made me socially awkward and incredibly fearful (my Dad got mixed up with the JWs for a while, and I spent the whole of 1975 waiting for the world to end - I kid you not), but thankfully Mum threatened to divorce him if he joined up, so he left it well alone. I wasted so much time on church, bible, worrying about sinning and saving other souls, and even looking down my nose at people who were sinning (jealousy - secretly I think I wanted to join in).

I am angry about the rubbish I believed. I don't think I'm a stupid person, but I believed. How? Why? The absolute balderdash that passes for religion is mind-bogglingly pathetic, and yet I believed it. In latter years I have done a bit of reading and research about cults, and I think I understand, but I still wonder and cringe greatly.

I love being an atheist. My children (20 and 23) are atheists because they have been encouraged to be critical thinkers, not because anyone denied them faith. My parents are still church goers but something happened which caused them (and probably me too, now I think about it) to have a big rethink on their iron-clad morals - my younger brother 'came out'. To my parents' credit they modified their views, accepted my brother and his partners, and are very proud of him. My mum even defended homosexuality in church. My Dad still can't comprehend a life without god. All his arguments come down to, 'How did we get here then, if god didn't do it?' He used to 'witness' to me ad nauseum (nausea is right) in my ebbing-faith years, and I loathed it. Now, after a few heated discussions, he knows better than to take me on. He got a stupid book from somewhere called 'The Dawkins Delusion' and made a big show of reading it in front of me, instead. I smiled and said nothing! It's difficult to say nothing sometimes, but I think if my parents lost their faith now in their senior years, it could mean the destruction of their social network and probably give rise to anger like mine at lifetimes of believing rubbish. So I let it go. A few years ago both parents got into the work of John Shelby Spong, and mum at least says she no longer believes in the virgin birth and a lot of the other stuff. What a change!

I will say two things for religion. Without it, we may not have had a lot of the beautiful music of Bach, Handel and Vivaldi, to name some composers who based much of their work on the bible. I would like to think they could have written the same music on secular themes, but I don't know. The second thing it has given us, is lovely buildings and records we can now look at to learn something about our ancestors and their lives.

Still, I think it has much more to condemn it than to thank it for. And still it holds people in its nasty oily grip - whether they are zealots or just go to church at easter and christmas.

My ex-husband's father was murdered in his christian ashram in India two years ago, by hindu extremists. He wasted a whole lifetime trailing around India preaching xian crap to people who already believed in a whole other type of crap with its own stupid rules, regulations, rituals and other assorted garbage. Not to put too fine a point on it, faith sucks !

davo
25th February 2009, 09:45 PM
Hi HellGirl thanks for sharing that, it must of been so hard for you :( The thing is, now without the burden of faith, your able to see the real you for what you are, and love yourself for that, and there's nothing better than being happy with yourself, because you just know it's for who you are, not what you want to be or others expect. Every bit of baggage or pain or fault makes you as well, and you can learn and work on it to find the real you.

The concepts of enlightenment I think are not the best words because of their association with spiritual enlightenment .. probably best to say it as self enlightenment, but again that has connotations of selfishness/spirituality of the religious sense, when it's not what I mean, self awareness? .. not sure the word to use .. anyway, it's kind of self awareness/enlightenment isn't it? To actually grow and use your own brain to come to the person you are, and look at the world for the wonder and mystery it is, and start picking at the bits and pieces of it to see how things work

I was lucky myself that I was in a position when younger that it happened to me earlier than some, but at the same time, that was a lonely thing as well, not having the blind faith in how things worked that others breezed along with, but that's life. I'm so glad my struggle was no where near some of the people on here, and I really respect that people can actually come to this decision from such a deep internment socially within structured religious teaching.

Aaaaanyway welcome to the forum, I really like the place, I'm sure you will too :)

Hell Girl
25th February 2009, 09:52 PM
Mr Black:

I have to say that I never really got into the whole tongues and falling over thing. I never felt as 'holy' as the other holies. I can still remember the one phrase I used when I spoke in tongues - I have no idea where it came from - it was only gibberish and I don't attach any significance or meaning to it. A new babbler was encouraged just to open their mouth and let it happen. You knew it wasn't allowed to be intelligible, that is all. The pastor basically said 'hubba bubba' over and over again at a great rate of knots. Maybe he had an endorsement contract with Wrigleys or something. I never really got 'zoned out' like a lot of people did. I mean I fell over when the pastor put his hands on my head to pray, because not to do so would, I felt, mean I was less godly than the people who collapsed. I know that I never felt remotely like falling over. There was a kind of supernatural-feeling hysteria in the place though - I thought it was god's love at the time, but it was almost like sexual energy. Satan was always being told to get out, and sex of course was evil, unless you were married or a pastor who liked boys. So it was a dangerous, euphoric kind of tension.

Duffy
26th February 2009, 10:57 AM
Hi Hell Girl, you story was told which such frankness that I was really touched (I'm a sucker for the 'from the heart' stuff). I have kids in the same age bracket and am fiercely proud of their critical thinking. I value it as one of the best things I did as a mother. Its nice to hear of your parents 'mellowing' as not to exclude a loved member of the family. How easy it is to condemn what we have never experienced? I'm so glad you are here on the forum. Cheers to you:)

eclectic
26th February 2009, 05:23 PM
Thank you so much for sharing your story.

We tried to read the Dawkins Delusion and were very disappointed that it wasn't clever at all. It is such a shame to never be able to have an intellectual debate with a religious person, like the useless answers you got to your questions as a child. Interestingly my Catholic mother-in-law agrees with your young stance on Judas! But there is a whole range of views withint each religion, they are just linked by their inability to see the truth.

I'm heartened that your parents have mellowed in their fanatasism. I can understand that after so long it would be hard for them to give up religion completely.

boxsey
26th February 2009, 06:56 PM
thanks for your story. A fabulous insight. welcome.

Vonnie
26th February 2009, 07:57 PM
Thanks for sharing. Welcome.

Vonnie

Kerri-Lee
2nd March 2009, 10:21 PM
Thanks for sharing your story. I really admire people who escape that kind of indoctrination. I don't think there was anything passive about the child abuse (ie indoctrination)you went through. Glad that your parents have mellowed.