Tales Of Bastardry

[The Irreverent Mr Black]

This didn't fit in over at the Death Penalty discussion. Posted for your amusement.


Yew h'are 'ere today to learn the rewdiments of Pepper Safety!
'Ere, Davo, pay attention, yew 'orrible little man, or yew could wind up in a ditch with your h'alimentary ter-ract feelin' like h'it were London in October 1666.

This 'ere...
http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/cambuci.jpg
...



is a Cambuci Pepper. It has a Nice Hend, h'and a Naughty H'end! (Thank you, Imaginary Sergeant Major!)

Among my pepper varieties is the Cambuci. They grow well round here. My original seeds came from a friend on the Gold Coast, who told me of these small, hardy, fiery peppers that grew wild in the paddock near her place....

Under cultivation, the fruits are larger than Bev's original specimens, but the bushes thrive. The bloody things are like a weed, and I need to chop them back so my other varieties have at least a fighting chance.

Another interesting thing about 'bucis is, like the Shouty Man In Green said,that the lobes at the bottom are sweet like a capsicum, and there's a beautiful heat in the stem end.

to be continued...

[The Irreverent Mr Black]

Anyway, since these are such prolific bushes, I did the Good Communal Thing, and took a basket of said 'bucis to work, as many of my colleagues did at this particular place.

Seeing there was a risk of oral discomfort, I carefully labelled the basket with tasteful radhaz and flammable material symbols, and a drawing of the fruit in question, with directions to the hot and cold ends...

I was sitting in the lunch room, doing awful things to rye bread, sun-dried tomatoes, and a nice piece of prosciutto, when Old Moses grumphed into the room, looking for all the world like somebody had put the Count Muppet's beard on Rodney Dangerfield.

Moses was a recent addition to the staff. In his previous professional incarnation, he claimed to have been Headmaster of a school. Poor bloody school.

He was expert on abso-bloody-lutely every-flipping-thing, even to the point of telling us Nerdy Chaps what to do, as we recovered his laptop from Complete-Buggerisation-By-User yet again.

more after.....

[davo]

oh yes!!! I have seen and had them!!!! of course! not grown them tho, wonder how they would do down here with our cold snaps (we sometimes get to -4! and frosts)

OK, so not only do I have to set up my new batch of home brew (once I get thru the newly arrived case of south australian wines), I have to plant out the garden.

Hopefully won't get another run of over a week of 40+ days ...

[The Irreverent Mr Black]

I christened him Old Moses after one of his epic tales. As we backed away, leaving him still in full spate, I muttered sotto voce to Young Skillz, "You know the Dead Sea? You've just been listening to the bloke who killed it, way back whenever."

You couldn't tell Moses anything. His conversation was of the "you-speak-I-wait-you-pause-I-pounce" variety. Words for his edification, admonition or whatever, were just swept away in the torrent of Marvellous Things He Had Done And Was Telling You About.

He picked up a cambuci. "Hrmph - Good eating, these?"

I told him they were "rather hot".

Moses immediately started on about how Back When He Was Alive, He Made His Own Verjuice .... You Do Know What That Is, Don't You, Lad?

(conclusion in a moment...)

[The Irreverent Mr Black]

Hmm. "Lad", huh? I snapped up a 'buci and ate it, Nice End first. Most peppers don't faze me anyway: I occasionally get hiccups from very strong varieties, but I can put away up to 50K-Scoville without grimacing.

Of course, Moses could not be outdone. He stuffed one in and bit down, HARD.

Ah, the joy of watching the watery blue eyes fill with tears, and the involuntary run of snotty nose that followed.... and the best part was knowing he couldn't acknowledge his discomfort!

Viva El Habanero!!!

[Vonnie]

I'm no expert on growing chiles; I've only got one bush growing in my garden. The label says "ornamental" so I don't even know if it's edible!

In any case, I love chile. It's the only good gene I got from my father and his mother. I recall as a young child watching them trying to outdo themselves in red-face/sweating competitions. Because I disliked both my father and my grandmother, I refused to try chiles until I was older. Now, I love them, the hotter the better. (And I regret never having tried one of their concoctions.)

I don't know enough about varieties to know where I fit on the Scoville scale, but my then-boss and I went into an Ecuadorian restaurant in West End for lunch - this was over 10 years ago, the place may not even exist now - and said "hit us with your hottest chile". The meal was pleasant, but didn't draw much of a sweat. So the owner of the restaurant took us on as a pet project. We went there for lunch at least once a fortnight for months, and the owner never did find anything too hot for us, or indeed, hot enough for us. Who knows - maybe his supplier, and the chiles he supplied, were as weak as piss. (Of course, the various chiles all had fancy names, which my boss claimed to know, but I can't recall any of them.) I do recall one particular purple one which was hotter than any other, which left pleasant, fiery glow in my mouth, and indeed my throat. But I could have taken hotter.

Now my Indian neighbour has taken me on as her special project and keeps giving me variations of her special chile sauce, with the goal of making one too hot for me to eat. I think it'd have to cause instant blisters to be too hot to eat, and she hasn't even come close.

But, again, I'm no expert. And maybe I've only ever had really wussy chiles.

Vonnie

[davo]

hahahaha!!

I was sat on my arse by an indian bloke once ...

.. I used to get the jars of pickled chili, and eat em all in one sitting, they were hot, but not deadly .. but here I was thinking 'I don't have a problem with heat ..'

Anyway this new Indian restaurant opened down the road from us in Melbourne, the bloke used to be a cook at the Crown casino, we ended up eating there a lot, as it was a vego place, and I was vegan at the time .. they loved it, cooked up wicked stuff for us.

Anyway, I cottoned onto the chili chutney they have, you know at the side of your plate dip a little of your tucker in it, away you go, luverly stuff, got a real taste up for it.

Anyway the bloke loved the fact I liked his home made chutney, and one day brought out this large jar .. he said that he had had it for 15 bloody years, and had heaps of them ..

no shit, this stuff looked like .. rotten, it was black/gray and seriously looked like old compost ..

MAAAATE, so bloody hot, but the flavour was incredible, absolutely incredible. but my sweat rose, I had a bit thinking it was ok, but it was a creeper like no other certain creepers I have had in the past, I swear I peaked out on this stuff.

I haven't been there in quite a while, I should see if he is still around next chance I get to melbourne, damn it was good. but sheesh, I will go slow this time! lol

[The Irreverent Mr Black]

oh yes!!! I have seen and had them!!!! of course! not grown them tho, wonder how they would do down here with our cold snaps (we sometimes get to -4! and frosts)

OK, so not only do I have to set up my new batch of home brew (once I get thru the newly arrived case of south australian wines), I have to plant out the garden.

Hopefully won't get another run of over a week of 40+ days ...

We get similar weather, and they spring back every time. I shield a few plants with the west side of the shed, and that keeps most of the frost damage away, but even the bucis in the open seem to survive okay. Need seeds?

And yeah, our close-to-40 days killed lots of stuff, cooked most of my tomatoes in the small green stage. Even killed some banksias I'd put in the front for the missus.

[davo]

http://www.thechileman.org/guide_heat.php

http://www.hotsauce.com/SearchResults.asp?Cat=78

there ya go vonnie, second one is a heat scale

[davo]

you are corrupting me with music and now chili Mr Black

[Duffy]

First of all, what is it with you chilli eaters??? Do you have Teflon covered throats or what ?:D Bloody masochists if you ask me.;)

But let me tell you my chilli story. We take 13yo old son to Mexican restaurant where the chilli concarne is tame. Son orders it and it comes garnished with a jalapeno. He asks me whether to eat it and I warn him its hot. He decides not to. Older brother (as they do) wagers him (something stupid, can't remember) to eat the whole thing. 13yo, sweet boy, far too easily encouraged, eats the entire thing in 3 bites and smiles like the Cheshire cat. Even I'm impressed and I order him a softdrink (a treat in my family as I am the nutrition nazi) before the drink arrives however, the boy is looking strangly green. I suggest he should head for the bathroom and wash his face. Too late. The poor boy projectile vomits over the table, us, everything. I get the giggles, as I am always prone to do in ridiculous situations, but other diners are disgusted. Needless to say we never went back to the restaurant and my son doesn't eat chillis even to this day.:)

[davo]

lol .. chili gives you a buzz :)

seriously tho, I was brought up on hot and spicy food, and love it, you get used to it, and can actually feel the kick from it, heightening your senses .. well I can anyway. It's like an upper.

[The Irreverent Mr Black]

[brevity snip] Son orders it and it comes garnished with a jalapeno. He asks me whether to eat it and I warn him its hot. He decides not to. Older brother (as they do) wagers him (something stupid, can't remember) to eat the whole thing. 13yo, sweet boy, far too easily encouraged, eats the entire thing in 3 bites and smiles like the Cheshire cat. Even I'm impressed and I order him a softdrink ...

Duffy, you need MILK for chilli burns. The casein binds the capsaicin chemically.

Coconut milk/cream seems to work okay too.

http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2009_02_20_wrinklyredrocket.jpg

[davo]

another good one is yoghurt .. especially goes well with indian dishes (my favourite) .. just have it as a dip on the table for when you are seriously peaking out, just to drop you a level or two, with some naan or similar, or throw a spoonful on top of your curry .. yum.

[The Irreverent Mr Black]

I'm no expert on growing chiles; I've only got one bush growing in my garden. The label says "ornamental" so I don't even know if it's edible!

They're all edible, in terms of "won't poison you". Flavour varies.
http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/rainbow.jpg
These little chaps are all the same variety. They're an ornamental, and the fruit are roughly the thickness of a biro. The heat is about a six out of ten, and the flavour is slightly soapy. (Hat tip to Duffy and her Swear Jar.)

Some of my best types have a real "fruity" smell/taste to them, distinct from the heat and quite noticeable in spite of it.
http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/stealthy-little-hot-red.jpg
Like this guy.

[Duffy]

http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2009_02_20_wrinklyredrocket.jpg

Mr Black has just shown me his 'Wrinkly Red Rocket' ha ha ho ho ha ha.

Sorry I'm in 'that' kinda mood today. :D

[The Irreverent Mr Black]

Mr Black has just shown me his 'Wrinkly Red Rocket' ha ha ho ho ha ha.

Sorry I'm in 'that' kinda mood today. :D
Yes, I named 'em after the South Park episode. (You may not want to know.)

Afterthought: Of course I'm not completely vulgar. I had a seedless hybrid named Farinelli.

[Serenity]

Chilli makes food taste better :D It's like salt - enhances the flavours of the food. And the fragrance is just lovely.

I don't go for hot for the sake of hot, though. I have a great tolerance for hot but just don't enjoy it after a certain point and never eat chillis in their raw state unless I was trying to gauge hotness for a dish.

[Duffy]

Chilli makes food taste better :D It's like salt - enhances the flavours of the food. And the fragrance is just lovely.

I don't go for hot for the sake of hot, though. I have a great tolerance for hot but just don't enjoy it after a certain point and never eat chillis in their raw state unless I was trying to gauge hotness for a dish.

Ok, I'm convinced. I like mild chilli but the hot stuff...well:o Maybe I'll try different ones. Any suggestions? We have a great green grocer that would source it for me if neccessary.

[davo]

another technique is to strip the chili of the seeds Duffy, this lowers the heat, but keeps a lot of the fruitiness.

I tend to use apple or sultanas in my 'Davo Special' curry, for a bit of sweetness with the hot, yummmmmm this thread makes me curry hungry

[Duffy]

Afterthought: Of course I'm not completely vulgar. I had a seedless hybrid named Farinelli.

I always liked Maria Labia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_Labia) but not sure what I'd name in her honour. :D

[Duffy]

another technique is to strip the chili of the seeds Duffy, this lowers the heat, but keeps a lot of the fruitiness.

Yeah I do that but I find chillifiles still want to challenge me to leave them in and enjoy the punch. I don't usually yield to a peer pressure, but maybe...just don't tell my parents:D

[The Irreverent Mr Black]

I always liked Maria Labia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_Labia) but not sure what I'd name in her honour. :D
A cymbidium orchid would be the obvious choice, Duffy.

[Protium]

someone say Labia... ?

Now why would it have that name... what does it look like... hmmm ?