Pastors Greetings

[Pastor Nereu Gargalo]

Dear David. Allow me to introduce myself.

Pastor Nereu Gargalo of Landover Baptist Church. Where the Worthwhile Worship!

Before I begin posting I would like you to contact me. You can email me at pastorgargalo@gmail.com

Or you can PM me at this site.

There is much I have to say.

Yours in He who shed blood on a lavish scale for the sake of those He chose to worship Him at the expense of all those He hated and wants to suffer for ALL ETERNITY.
Pastor Nereu Gargalo.


Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

PRAISE!

[Praxis]

*YAWN*

Sorry, what was that you were preaching, sorry, I mean proselytising, no, saying there?

I suggest you go shed blood and eat flesh and all the other strange rituals you fundy types so get off on somewhere else.

Don't you have some homosexuals to torment and other assorted hate mongering to be getting on with?

[robertkd]

Whose the super sky fairy imaginary friend type and why is his blaspheming on our site ?

They don't have to be rude there is a contact facility on the site no need post the hoodoo voodoo stuff, I'm sure it's all deep and meaningful if your the type that likes to fantasise. :eek:

[wolty]

This is a beat up right? Can't really be a pastor from one of the most despised organisations in the world? Surely not.
Please stay out of my life.

Some shite from the wonderful baptist church.
If you decide that Religion is not for you, than we pray that you suffer a quick end and a speedy journey to Hell. Glory!
Wow, what great christians you lot are.


Is Taylor Swift Singing for Satan? (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/2009/november/taylorswift.html)Cutting edge Christian research indicates that the pitch of Miss Swift's voice is responsible for a surge in masturbation among teenage Baptist hillbilly's and an increase in fornication among demons
Hahahahaha

How to Tell Your Child that Santa Claus is Really Satan! (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/subjectarchive/christmas.html) Learn the truth about Santa Claus! Do unsaved kids deserve any gifts on Jesus' Birthday?
Hahahahahaha
True Christian™ (http://objectiveministries.org/shutdown/) Warning:
We Are Conservative, Godly, Republican, and Unstoppable!


Really? Trying to take over the world, are you?

[robertkd]

you know there are some bigots in the world and then there is this lot

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=20585

interesting who would say something like


Friends, was this youth Christian and those he shot pagan Catholics and Lutherans? If so, I have no objection to his actions.


stand up and be counted that well man isn't appropriate now is it?

[Praxis]

Isn't Landover Baptist site a piss take? It's so well done I can never remember which one is real - Westbro (?Westborough) or Landover?

In any event, if our newest member is indeed a piss-taker from Landover, then it's a mighty strange way to introduce oneself to the forum.

People ... they come in such seriously weird flavours :confused:

[Pastor Nereu Gargalo]

Trying to take over the world, are you?

Dear sinners.

Before I begin, I wish to thank Our Lord Jesus Christ for allowing me to begin posting amid this group of Jesus despising demons.

Thank You Jesus!

Now that I have thanked THE POWER THAT BE, I would like to address the above question.

We already own the world. Jesus in His divine wisdom chose well. It is obvious from the beginning that we are to rule the world. George W. Bush (PRAISE!) and the Christian Right in that land of TRUTH America surely have shown you devils the way. I am proud to be one of the Saved©

GLORY!


John 10:28 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.
John 10:29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.

[Fearless]

What the he'll? Damn it now I have to get off the couch and log into my computer before I vomit

[wolty]

Can we have a seperate thread for this? It is making the welcome from afa president all dirty.

[robertkd]

seconded,...

[Fearless]

Posts moved to a new thread. I almost had an overwhelming urge to start swinging then but I only just woke up on the couch after a days work... Not sure what I just read but it made ME feel dirty! :eek:

Hope I don't see that again!

[Fearless]

@Wolty: I hear an outboard motor in the distance.[/IMG]

Mr Black, I couldn't help myself... already done. Just not sure if the people ferry should be following behind yet, it was a nasty wake up call for me!

[wolty]

it was a nasty wake up call for me!

Yeah imagine waking up to this shit. Cheers Fearless.:)

[Pastor Nereu Gargalo]

Well isn't this nice. I fully expected nothing but insults from the unsaved. But so soon after my sincere and well meant first post???

Jesus did tell we, the Saved © -GLORY!- to expect insults and loathing.

1st John 3:13 Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hate you.

Remember the following when a wishy washy false Christian reminds you of
John 3;16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

That he also said:

Psalm 58:3 The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies.

You see how He forewarned us about you??? He doesn't love everyone. Especially unsaved demons screaming at a sincere Pastor! A Pastor who cannot even sin!!!


1st John 5:18 We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not; but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth him not.

Indeed, I hope your mothers wash out your little teenage mouths with soap and teach you to not insult your betters.

I cannot sin.

Revelation 1:5 And from Jesus Christ, who is the faithful witness, and the first begotten of the dead, and the prince of the kings of the earth. Unto him that loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood ,

If only the same could be said for you.

[Sir Patrick Crocodile]

LET US ALL PRAISE THE GIANT SPACE BEES!
You don't mess with the reptile.

[Sir Patrick Crocodile]

Jesus did tell we, the Saved © -GLORY!- Is that a Copyright Symbol I see before me? With the gleam towards my eyes? Come. Let me infringe thee. I have thee not. And yet I see thee still.

[wolty]

LET US ALL PRAISE THE GIANT SPACE BEES!
You don't mess with the reptile.


Hahahahha @ Croc :D

[robertkd]

No I'm more a cosmic teapot person myself, although I do like the the concept of the flying spaghetti monster.

Oh I meant cup-a-tea person and I'm cooking spaghetti at the moment,... :p

no sinners no magic fairy dust no jebus in this universe, is there any proof of your sanity??

[robertkd]

Krap there are giant space bees,...

[Pastor Nereu Gargalo]

Krap there are giant space bees,...

If God decides to create them, they will exist.

Have faith sinner. There may be hope for you yet.

[robertkd]

Now that's just plain stupid wings wouldn't work in the vacuum of space,... Doh!

[Sir Patrick Crocodile]

If God decides to create them, they will exist.

Have faith sinner. There may be hope for you yet.The GIANT SPACE BEES are angry with you. They do not like being treated as second-class inferiors. One of them told me to tell you that this God you are talking about is all a lie. I warn thee, the GIANT SPACE BEES will seek vengeance upon you for inhibiting other peoples' rights. They like equity you see.

Now that's just plain stupid wings wouldn't work in the vacuum of space,... Doh!The GIANT SPACE BEES just fart their way in space. It's all to do with Newton's laws of motion.

[robertkd]

If God decides to create them, they will exist.

Have faith sinner. There may be hope for you yet.

Yeah I saw that on doctor who, I remember now,... :cool:

[Loki]

Quetzalcoatl was the aztec god of the wind. Giant Space Bees aren't the only gods with flatulence. The answer my friend is blowing in the wind.

[wolty]

Giant space bees, flatulence and pasta sauce. Threads don't get any better than this. Except maybe beer! :D

[Loki]

Beer makes me fart

[wolty]

Oh yeah thanks for that.
I could power the space shuttle with all the beer I drink.

[Sir Patrick Crocodile]

If you do enough editing on a picture of baked beans a replica image of the GIANT SPACE BEES can be obtained.

[wolty]

Bed time for me. Probably dream about giant space bees.
Sweet dreams heathens. :)

[Sir Patrick Crocodile]

May the GIANT SPACE BEES be with you!

[robertkd]

Sorry all, I took time out to observe a sermon form the lord David Attenborough, sir to us.

Oh and a cold beer,... :D

[Seamus]

Can't tell if this guy is an unfunny satirist or a brain damaged troll.

In either case,bored now. Bye pastor,get well soon.








PS: America's most hated family,is Fred Phelps,his loonie wife and offspring from the Westboro Baptist Church.

[Iridescence]

So I checked out the landover baptist church, and I was falling out of my chair in mixed horror and disbelief until I saw the link to the Betty Bowers vid on youtube. And then the erm.. special looking fellow against the mail link. And then I realised this is a huge joke. Well played tho, lots of work and effort to be as ridiculous and over the top as possible *golf clap* :D

[Loki]

Yahoo answers, highly reputable site has this to say

"The Landover Baptist Church is a web site that serves as the home of a fictional Baptist church based in the town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist site and its associated Landoverbaptist.net forum are a parody of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right, and of Westboro Baptist Church in particular. The site was created by Chris Harper, who obtained his Master's Degree in English Literature from George Mason University in 1993 after being expelled from Liberty University in 1989 for producing a satirical radio show which Liberty's administration found offensive."

[Pastor Nereu Gargalo]

We at Landover are used to abuse. Here is some of the mail we get.

Dear Fuckhead What you said about john kennedy jrs death (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1099/kennedy.html) was stupid. We are all going to die the same way and thats it. We just die and thats life over. At least he enjoyed his life. You believe what a man said 2,000 years ago. He was the son of man according to himself or possiblity a little on the insane side.You believe what king david said too. King david was spoken to by god. This is according to.......... David?? Things are as simple as they seem. Science can explain everything and the joke is finally on you. The kennedys all went to ivy league schools, is it possible that they are smarter than you? and that if there was even a small chance of a god, they would behave. but no, you pack of pack of inbreed retards think you are right, not science but you. George Bush is smart as is the republican party. They use you because they cant appeal to educated and unblind ungodfearing people and then they keep american down and you eat it up cause you thick as shit. The kennedys worked for noble causes (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/2009/september/kennedy.html) while you work for something that isnt even real.
the world laughs at you
denis from uk

This next is typical of false Christians in denial when confronted with accurate scripture showing the true nature of Christianity.


It is sickening the way you twist the Word of God to suit YOU and your own agenda and the lies you are spreading. If you truly believe in God and His word start reading the REAL Bible that condemns hate etc.
Your website is utterly disgraceful and degrading, please stop spreading these lies and scams and stop trying to make money out of these scams.
Ryno Uys

This next is again typical.

I've been thinking... THAT YOU NEED TO GO DIE, HOW DARE YOU TREAT CHILDREN LIKE THAT!!!!!! (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0704/homoprevention.html) IF A BOY IS GOING TO LIVE THEN HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO LIVE HIS LIFE IN THAT WAY!! IF YOU EVER TELL SOMEONE TO DO THAT AGAIN I WILL PERSONALLY COME DOWN TO YOUR FUCKING CHURCH AND TEAR YOU ALL NEW ARSEHOLES!


Another.

You are so fucking retarded. Your information on witchcraft and wiccan is COMPLETELY incorrect! (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/subjectarchive/wicca.html) You sound like a bunch of pissed off, scared little boys from the 1800's! No one is taking you seriously because your STUPID. Most wiccans are NOT overweight. Most wiccans are NOT pale. Most wiccans do NOT have piercings. And though I never condone public acts of vandalism, I'm glad that little girl threw a dead cat at you. I bet you deserved it! How DARE YOU talk about killing or burning witches! Your all a bunch of hypocritical murderers and rapists! YOUR THE REASON THIS WORLD SUCKS! I am going to tell everyone I know about you people, tell the whole internet and world about your devilish ways, how you contort the truth for your own benefit, just like your so called 'SATAN'! The truth is, you over-zealous christians are the ones dying. You are outnumbered in a glorious world filled with pagans from all walks of life. YOU, sir, are the aggressor, and must be stopped. I hope you really do believe in you faith, pastor, because you'll beg for your fabled 'hell' after what a witch could do... The difference is, we have intelligence and pride enough not to lash out at people for no good reason. You're convinced wiccans are after you? HA! I've been a witch MY WHOLE LIFE...never even heard of your fucked up church until now. Which proves how pathetic you are. You'll probably spit some stupid bible line at me or warn all your buddies that I'm out to get you. The reality is, you're all a bunch of fucking losers trying to deal with your inadequacies as males. HOW PATHETIC.
I dare you to burn a real witch...see what happens, jackass.
Heather Witcomb

Here is another false Christian.

I could barely read through your beliefs. I felt sick. (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/beliefs.html) I started to think about people I know in my own life, who's lives are shaky and could use gentle reminders of God's love. It scares me to think of these people running across any of your congregation-your hell and brimstone ways would send them running for the hills. I believe in fearing our God. But I also fully believe a man can be saved all the up to the moment of his death. In the end, it is God who will pass judgment, and He said Himself-He will judge more harshly those who judge others. Jesus said live as he lived and others will follow. Meanwhile, your method seems to be 'screw those who do not believe as we do'. Very sad. But I still will pray for you.
Mary Sullivan

The thing is, we know our Bible and we do not change or distort scripture. We take pride in the fact that Landover is perhaps the most accurate representation of Christianity on the web.

[Iridescence]

Blablabla

With all due respect pastor what's-your-name, you do bring it on yourselves :)

[Pastor Nereu Gargalo]

With all due respect pastor what's-your-name, you do bring it on yourselves :)

We are prepared.

Luke 6:22 Blessed are ye, when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate you from their company , and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for the Son of man's sake.

[Pastor Nereu Gargalo]

Would the good Pastor be so kind as to use the Quote tool...
http://www.atheistfoundation.org.au/forums/images/editor/quote.gif
in future so we may more readily determine whether it is his drivel or somebody else's?

I have edited your jots and tittles in the aforegoing post for the benefit of anybody who may be bothered to read it.


Dear sinner.

Please show an old man some patience.

I have now learned that I am to use the quote tool at all times.

Thank you.

I was just told I am too short! This is a place of madness!

[gruber]

When the war starts it's people like you iam gonna take my time with

[Iridescence]

*if* the war starts, you will probably find people like the pastor here, well and truly on our side :p

[gruber]

*if* the war starts, you will probably find people like the pastor here, well and truly on our side


There is no way i would stand with these kind of people but then again people who demand complete obidence and preach hatred and start every sentence with Dear Sinner most liekly wouldnt be fighting with those who would be fighting for freedom, logic and equality

[Iridescence]

Please go and have a look around the Landover Baptist Church website for a bit :)

[gruber]

Please go and have a look around the Landover Baptist Church website for a bit :)


I dont wanna be sick

[Iridescence]

*psst* it's a parody :p

[Caio]

OK, i have given this guy 2 seconds of thought and i humbly ask the powers that be to smite his hateful troll like inhibitions from this humble sanctuary of intellectual discussions, so that we need not bother with his crap! :mad:
Praise be to the amoral and non-sentient universe!

[Kid]

ug...Landover is a spoof site. It's been running for years, but by the sounds of things, the spoofers are becoming as insane as the people they're trying to spoof. The wit is gone and is being replaced by replicas of the real thing, thus rendering it pointless and useless to anyone, spoofers and fundies and non-believers alike.

In order for satire to work, it needs to be aimed at the people it's satirizing, and only then if the believers actually get the fact that they're being mocked. Which of course, they don't, so these Landover idiots are now trying it out on atheists. Yawn.
This pastor guy is a bore.

[atheist_angel]

Dear sinners.

Before I begin, I wish to thank Our Lord Jesus Christ for allowing me to begin posting amid this group of Jesus despising demons.

Thank You Jesus!

Now that I have thanked THE POWER THAT BE, I would like to address the above question.

We already own the world. Jesus in His divine wisdom chose well. It is obvious from the beginning that we are to rule the world. George W. Bush (PRAISE!) and the Christian Right in that land of TRUTH America surely have shown you devils the way. I am proud to be one of the Saved©

GLORY!


John 10:28 And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand.
John 10:29 My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.
Welcome Pastor. :mad:




:D Tampons, huh? (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0999/cotton.html)