Unsacred Cow
22nd July 2009, 12:58 PM
As I have already mentioned in my welcome thread, I was raised in the largest AOG church here in Adelaide making me a 3rd generation fundamentalist.
My memories of the AOG were ones of fear mainly, terrifying fear. The sermons were delivered with what appeared to be such anger and intimidation that it was rather like a weekly scorning and usually twice on Sunday, morning and evening. I was there in my teens during the 1980’s, during the churches pre-occupation with “demonic” music and back-masking (I have seen this mentioned in one of the forums). The supposed back-masked music was played to the congregation (kids and all) and I remember feeling deeply frightened by the idea that I could unknowingly be open to invisible forces that were out to get me. It’s one thing to be terrified of things you can see but invisible nasties, well that just terrorized me. I also remember Revelation being a rather big focus and the supposed doom and gloom this would bring to the world. Stories of horned beasts and the like, another fearsome experience for me as a young adolescent. Like my life hadn’t already been rather hellish anyway and here I was being told it was going to be a whole lot worse than that! I did manage to make friends amongst the youth group there. I was known as the goody-two-shoes of the group (you know you're too compliant when even your church friends find you’re too well behaved) but it was probably good to make those associations as it helped me to rebel a little and it was certainly required—just goes to show youth groups can be good for something! I had an experience on a church camp that will stay with me until the end. During one of the nightly services held at the camp some people gathered down the front for prayer and next you know there are screams of agony. These people were supposedly being exorcised of demons. I didn’t sleep a wink that night! I remember being terrified about whether or not I also was possessed by demons for a little while after. I can’t begin to express the immense amount of fear that the talk of invisible goblins caused for me.
I left the AOG when my mum decided to relocate to another state during my teens and gave up church altogether in my late teens about the time I left home. I left home under duress during my matriculation exams...as a consequence I was too busy surviving to embark on any uni studies. Even though I stopped going to church (and this was because I couldn't stand the hypocrisy that was so evident) I still held a belief in a God or higher being, dabbling in a little new-age mysticism along the way, with a rebirthing experience thrown in for good measure (probably just to piss off some of my fundamentalist rellies who were convinced I would leave myself open to demon possession by doing so). However, I’ve long had a passion for seeking truth and it is this that was more than likely the ingredient required to eventually sift through the indoctrination enough to enable me to have the courage to leave fairytales in the past. I’m also a realist, ironically despite my upbringing in fundamentalist Christianity, my life experiences required I be so to a certain extent—exposure to domestic violence, broken marriages, sexual abuse and the like, were for me, events that kept one well grounded in the realms of worldly reality.
I married someone with a similar background to my own—our religious upbringing had been similar and we were both from “broken” homes. He was/is an atheist. Good choice as it turned out for me. Through the years our difference in beliefs was cause for much debate/argument. It was the one thing we really came to heads on. But we were friends first and foremost and he stuck it through with me. I only realize now how frustrating it must have been for him at times.
Enter the 2000's and the events that occurred following 9/11 and already suffering post-natal depression, old indoctrinated demons came back to haunt me and I was convinced that these events were the beginnings of what I learned about the apocalypse from the Revelation sermons I’d heard in my younger days. I suffered a major mental meltdown with all this (amazing what copious amounts of fear can do to your psyche) and went running back to church...repent, repent. I decided to try The Salvation Army with the idea that they would atleast offer a practical Christianity with their well known welfare efforts and a little tamer with their sermon deliveries. I have since read an author (People In Glass Houses) suggest that The Salvation Army is known as detox for Pentecostals. I could say that perhaps this is true and resulted in my eventual complete detox from Christianity and religion altogether. Incidentally the book, People In Glass Houses, an auto-biographical account of one womans journey in and out of Hillsong was like reading my own story with the exception of some finer personal details. I recommend it as a read of a coming out story of sorts with some interesting details into Hillsongs financial ploys.
I will add that I attribute a major amount of the dysfunction that occurred in my family to religious legalistic ideals, a massive lack of logical thought and child indoctrination of the worst kind. I have often pondered the idea of seeking legal action against the AOG for life lost but I’m sure it would be in vain with current legislative protection of such institutions citing religious freedom. It certainly didn’t bring me freedom. It is for the indoctrination of children and the abuse I know is suffered because of it that I aim to do my bit to bring it out into the light.
For my own children, I endeavour to give them the gift of free thought to the best of my ability.
My memories of the AOG were ones of fear mainly, terrifying fear. The sermons were delivered with what appeared to be such anger and intimidation that it was rather like a weekly scorning and usually twice on Sunday, morning and evening. I was there in my teens during the 1980’s, during the churches pre-occupation with “demonic” music and back-masking (I have seen this mentioned in one of the forums). The supposed back-masked music was played to the congregation (kids and all) and I remember feeling deeply frightened by the idea that I could unknowingly be open to invisible forces that were out to get me. It’s one thing to be terrified of things you can see but invisible nasties, well that just terrorized me. I also remember Revelation being a rather big focus and the supposed doom and gloom this would bring to the world. Stories of horned beasts and the like, another fearsome experience for me as a young adolescent. Like my life hadn’t already been rather hellish anyway and here I was being told it was going to be a whole lot worse than that! I did manage to make friends amongst the youth group there. I was known as the goody-two-shoes of the group (you know you're too compliant when even your church friends find you’re too well behaved) but it was probably good to make those associations as it helped me to rebel a little and it was certainly required—just goes to show youth groups can be good for something! I had an experience on a church camp that will stay with me until the end. During one of the nightly services held at the camp some people gathered down the front for prayer and next you know there are screams of agony. These people were supposedly being exorcised of demons. I didn’t sleep a wink that night! I remember being terrified about whether or not I also was possessed by demons for a little while after. I can’t begin to express the immense amount of fear that the talk of invisible goblins caused for me.
I left the AOG when my mum decided to relocate to another state during my teens and gave up church altogether in my late teens about the time I left home. I left home under duress during my matriculation exams...as a consequence I was too busy surviving to embark on any uni studies. Even though I stopped going to church (and this was because I couldn't stand the hypocrisy that was so evident) I still held a belief in a God or higher being, dabbling in a little new-age mysticism along the way, with a rebirthing experience thrown in for good measure (probably just to piss off some of my fundamentalist rellies who were convinced I would leave myself open to demon possession by doing so). However, I’ve long had a passion for seeking truth and it is this that was more than likely the ingredient required to eventually sift through the indoctrination enough to enable me to have the courage to leave fairytales in the past. I’m also a realist, ironically despite my upbringing in fundamentalist Christianity, my life experiences required I be so to a certain extent—exposure to domestic violence, broken marriages, sexual abuse and the like, were for me, events that kept one well grounded in the realms of worldly reality.
I married someone with a similar background to my own—our religious upbringing had been similar and we were both from “broken” homes. He was/is an atheist. Good choice as it turned out for me. Through the years our difference in beliefs was cause for much debate/argument. It was the one thing we really came to heads on. But we were friends first and foremost and he stuck it through with me. I only realize now how frustrating it must have been for him at times.
Enter the 2000's and the events that occurred following 9/11 and already suffering post-natal depression, old indoctrinated demons came back to haunt me and I was convinced that these events were the beginnings of what I learned about the apocalypse from the Revelation sermons I’d heard in my younger days. I suffered a major mental meltdown with all this (amazing what copious amounts of fear can do to your psyche) and went running back to church...repent, repent. I decided to try The Salvation Army with the idea that they would atleast offer a practical Christianity with their well known welfare efforts and a little tamer with their sermon deliveries. I have since read an author (People In Glass Houses) suggest that The Salvation Army is known as detox for Pentecostals. I could say that perhaps this is true and resulted in my eventual complete detox from Christianity and religion altogether. Incidentally the book, People In Glass Houses, an auto-biographical account of one womans journey in and out of Hillsong was like reading my own story with the exception of some finer personal details. I recommend it as a read of a coming out story of sorts with some interesting details into Hillsongs financial ploys.
I will add that I attribute a major amount of the dysfunction that occurred in my family to religious legalistic ideals, a massive lack of logical thought and child indoctrination of the worst kind. I have often pondered the idea of seeking legal action against the AOG for life lost but I’m sure it would be in vain with current legislative protection of such institutions citing religious freedom. It certainly didn’t bring me freedom. It is for the indoctrination of children and the abuse I know is suffered because of it that I aim to do my bit to bring it out into the light.
For my own children, I endeavour to give them the gift of free thought to the best of my ability.