Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid apocolypse movies...

[Mister Pervert]

Maybe God really exists, and He started making movies.

His first feature film: "Cloverdale"

I bought a copy of this DVD a week or so ago for no other reason other than I had a moment of mental retardation and $9.50 in my pocket. A few days ago, I started watching it. Brief synopsis:

DVD begins: lots of dire warnings about roasting in Hell if you pirate movies

Language Selection: I chose English, but that may well have been folly as I could have watched this in Norwegian, Urbeckistani, and a bunch of other languages so remote from English...nevermind...

Press Play: First 45 minutes - seems to be a Handicam account of a bunch of retarded American kids in New York. The camera operator had some kind of palsy because barely a single frame is in focus. Enough to say, I got thoroughly drunk and still couldn't make any sense of it by the 45 minute mark, except that New York was being reduced to rubble and that, for a change, it wasn't Jerry Bruckheimer and his (massive) effects team doing the damage.

Fast forward a few days later...

All of the above, then fast forward to somewhere not that far past the 45 minute mark: nothing has changed - retard still in charge of the camera; a few gawky chyks that I'd have preferred to see nude, if they didn't look like they were 14 years old and pretending to be grownups.

1:00 hour-ish - holy snapping duck shit! Nothing happened! Except, there was some kind of ginormous lizard thingy, complete with Biblical flapping ear things. The whole "cinematography by Parkinson's disease" continued; plot failed to materialize.

Ten minutes later, it was over.

Thank fuck! Was my first and final response.

Credits started to roll and I might have put on my glasses to read them, but after glimpsing one - a name with the ACS (American Cinematography School) qualification prompted me to just ckick "next scene".

Lo! There WAS a next scene! Some lame-ass, fat chyck stuffed into undersized news-reader clothes prattling about some kind of calamity in the North Atlantic.

Fucked if I know what THAT was about, but the DVD quickly egressed itself back to the ROOT menu.

All-in-all, the movie Cloverdale (Touted as some kind of EXTRAORDINARY ACTION FILM) is 1 hour and 10 minutes of time that will waste electricity, fill your mind with murderous thoughts toward New York Jewish kids in film skool, and generally fill your nervous system with twitches that cause your fingers to get all gnarly-like.

Conclusion: watch at your peril.

[GenericBox]

It was entertainment. No need to read into it.

For mine I am a sucker for detail. And one thing I absolutely hate, H A T E, is when filmmakers decide to use CGI when old school methods are available. There is nothing worse for me in a film when the CGI looks fake.

Take Jonesy 4. There were so many times that they should of used live action stunts, but instead went for the CGI option. Pissed me right off. I have an eye for picking CGI out. Just frustrates me.

I mean considering I grew up with J Park, Inde. Day and Fifth Element etc - and they look more realistic to me than most stuff coming out nowadays in CGI and those films are now more than 10 years old. (Exception for Transformers - they look pretty amazing).

Still. It was abit of a nothing film. It was hailed for its brilliance I think for its "new" style. But I am so over that style. It pisses me off too. You know, the whole shakey camera thing to make it look more realistic. It first began to appear (well I first noticed it) in most episodes of the new 'B*star Galact.', and now its just so overused.

Thats why I can't stand Australian film - it just looks shit. Our cinematography and camera quality looks worse than even 70s US/UK films. It's like our director's of photography have never heard of filters. or post-production.

Still. I didn't mind it. Didn't love it either.

Doesn't beat Godzilla.

[GenericBox]

Plus we couldn't write a decent script if our lives depended on it.

[GenericBox]

Don't get me wrong. I think it has its place. And I hate the other extreme where crappy old school methods are used. But I think, for now at least, CGI should IMPROVE/ENHANCE not REPLACE.

As much should be done with traditional methods, enhanced / beefed up with CGI. that looks the best.

But when you replace basic things like car stunts with their CGI equiv. (indiana 4 jungle jeep scene), it just loses it.

[Kid]

A movie thread? Favourites, and worst movie of all time?
Or "I hate that film that everybody else loves"? Like freaking Titanic...I hated it!!! Braveheart; hated it!!!
I also can't stand most so called 'chick flicks'...
But I agree with GB regards CGI...use sparingly and with caution, yes, to enhance, not replace...

most apocalypse movies are stupid...eh? Independence Day? hated it...
who saves the world...Americans. and that was what that movie was really all about. The good old Yanks to the rescue with their GI gung-ho flyboy bullshit...

Terminator? Nice idea, good sci fi idea...

what else?

[SinisterDexter]

Kid, have you seen:

Strange Days?
The Cube?

Both very insightful sci fi ideas.

[GenericBox]

Independence Day? hated it...

*Sob* ... How could you say such a thing. ID is one of, if not, my all time fav movie :P

The Cube is freaking weird, without spoiling it for others, do you know where they were and what the feck it was? PM me or something lol I never understood the ending. Who the hell made it. Or are we not supposed to know?

[SinisterDexter]

*Sob* ... How could you say such a thing. ID is one of, if not, my all time fav movie :P

The Cube is freaking weird, without spoiling it for others, do you know where they were and what the feck it was? PM me or something lol I never understood the ending. Who the hell made it. Or are we not supposed to know?

WARNING, SPOILER ALERT (kind of), highlight between the asterixes to see the text:

*It was very wierd. No, you never find out where they were - even in the sequel, which wasn't as good. I think the point is to look at what people will do when placed in that kind of situation. Having said that, the sequel seems to finish with a third instalment begging, so maybe they will?*

[Kid]

Kid, have you seen:

Strange Days?
The Cube?

Both very insightful sci fi ideas.

No, haven't even heard of these films?! are they indy films?

Sorry GB about Independence Day...sheesh...probably a generational thing, but I see all kinds of American imperialism in that film, more than any other film for a long time, but that's just me, though I do love Will Smith; Men in Black I really liked cos of it's humour and doesn't take itself seriously...I kind of remember all the old great sc fi movies from the 'old days', one of my personal favourites being Forbidden Planet (introducing Robbie the Robot) with the monster from the ID, which was a really original idea back then.
Invasion of the Body Snatchers, original movie, not the remake.
Even the original Planet of the Apes (should have stopped with that movie), but seen through the eyes of a child, wow! what an idea for mankind's future...

[SinisterDexter]

Um, maybe.

Well worth a watch. Strange Days in particular is excellent. Others:

Existense
Total Recall
The Game (not strictly sci fi)
The Matrix (duh)
Series 7
Blade Runner
Contact

Probably more, but these ones come to mind.

I don't mind a bit of mindless action (Transformers for example), but good sci fi is about ideas and the ramifications of technology.

[Mister Pervert]

Contact



Movie was dedicated to Carl (Sagan) :p

[SinisterDexter]

Movie was dedicated to Carl (Sagan) :p

As I understand it, it is based on one of his books (by the same name).

[Mister Pervert]

As I understand it, it is based on one of his books (by the same name).

Not the best sci-fi movie, but I'll watch anything with Jodie Foster in it.

[GenericBox]

but I see all kinds of American imperialism in that film, more than any other film for a long time, but that's just me,

Perhaps, I don't read into things that much though lol. For me its just sit back, stop worrying/thinking and enjoy the ride kind of movie. I like those. With catchy music. The independence day theme is awesome.

I'm a movie themes buff. My favourite is the Forrest Gump Suite by Alan Silversti - yeah, I'm weird like that. Second probably The Patriot. Then ID.

Total Recall is awesome.

[Seamus]

@Lapsed A:

You BOUGHT that shit? You poor bastard. I rented it as a new release for $2.50 and complaned bitterly to the owner about being ripped off.

I got taken in by the the hype for "Independence Day" and went to see it in an actual theatre. Redeeming feature: When the aliens blow up the that building with all the morons on the roof. .

In my opinion, "Independence Day" is NOT the worst big budget sci film in history.That honour goes to "Battlefield Earth" .

[GenericBox]

Love Battlefield Earth. Thats the one with Travolta right?

[Mister Pervert]

In my opinion, "Independence Day" is NOT the worst big budget sci film in history.That honour goes to "Battlefield Earth" .

Forgive me not Googling, but isn't Battlefield Earth that horrendously stupid Scientologist nonsense? I agree!

[Vonnie]

Turkey Shoot. Soooooooooo bad, it's good.

Vonnie

[Kid]

Perhaps, I don't read into things that much though lol. For me its just sit back, stop worrying/thinking and enjoy the ride kind of movie. I like those. With catchy music. The independence day theme is awesome.

I'm a movie themes buff. My favourite is the Forrest Gump Suite by Alan Silversti - yeah, I'm weird like that. Second probably The Patriot. Then ID.

Total Recall is awesome.

hey me too! i love movie theme music and I've got a good collection going; Transformers...brilliant.
Babylon AD...excellent...
(personal fav movie... 300! all those naked men wearing tiny briefs and swinging their swords...good grief, I died and went to heaven...;) soundtrack fantastic...
X-men the final stand... love all the Xmen movies and Spiderman too...though wasn't too keen on the last one...
I"ve even got all the soundtracks from Battlestar Gallactica...yes, I am a total freak...
the soundtrack from the sc if movie Sunshine...fantastic, but the movie was crap...
I could go on and bore the living daylights out of everyone, but I won't. I do have some sense of not inflicting such pain on others...:D

[Mister Pervert]

(personal fav movie... 300! all those naked men wearing tiny briefs and swinging their swords...good grief, I died and went to heaven...;)

Um, if they were wearing briefs, no matter how small, they weren't nekkid.

A good thing, probably.

[Kid]

don't care...I loved that movie...surreal and if paid attention too has an subtext of rational thought versus the irrational thought of the Effors...if I remember how to spell that correctly...but probably haven't...and I don't care about that either; but it film as a subtext suggestion of that great Greek traditional of democracy and scepticism over the superstitious nonsense of the holy men; and it's got some great dialogue too. It's on my all time favourite movie list...

[Kid]

ps - I'm talking to Lasped there above... simultaneous posting...I've heard of that film quiet earth but haven't seen it...

[Mister Pervert]

don't care...I loved that movie...surreal and if paid attention too has an subtext of rational thought versus the irrational thought of the Effors...if I remember how to spell that correctly...but probably haven't...and I don't care about that either; but it film as a subtext suggestion of that great Greek traditional of democracy and scepticism over the superstitious nonsense of the holy men; and it's got some great dialogue too. It's on my all time favourite movie list...

Emancipate the elipses! ;-)

[Kid]

it's my favourite form of expression...ha! there's another one...and again!
It means...what for it...I'm thinking. (Full stop employed). Again.
One of my many grammatical and bad writing habits that I learned from my books. My books actually taught me bad habits.

[Kid]

that's dedication!

[Vonnie]

I actually LOVE apocolypse movies! The Postman, 28 Days, 28 Days Later, Sean of the Dead, Deathrace 2000, 12 Monkeys, Children of Men, Logan's Run. (You can see there's not a particular genre of apocalyptic/post-apocaliptic movies I prefer!)

I even loved Waterworld. (The critics often pan movies I like. But, as I think many Academy Award winning movies are complete crap, I don't have a problem with the disparity between my likes and the likes of critics!)

Some, I didn't like as much, but still quite enjoyed: I Am Legend, Day After Tomorrow.

Some were crap: The Stand. (Probably plenty more that I thought were bad, but I tend to shunt them from my memory.)

I've never seen Cloverfield, but it's on my list to see...

Also, Threads keeps popping up. Worth seeing?

Any other recommendations?

Vonnie

[SchizoDeluxe]

Thats why I can't stand Australian film - it just looks shit. Our cinematography and camera quality looks worse than even 70s US/UK films. It's like our director's of photography have never heard of filters. or post-production.



lol actually I have to agree, it's pretty obvious when an Aussie film comes on, I really don't know why it looks like that but the quality isn't anything I've seen anywhere else, maybe they get a kick out of it's "uniqueness". It certaintly is off-putting though, even the matrix had that visual style and that was filmed in Sydney.

I also agree with movies being just entertainment. I actually find it quite annoying when some elitist bastard nitpicks at every little flaw and plot holes. Noone ever said it was a documentary and seriously, how boring would an action movie be if the stunt scenes were 100% realistic and do-able? Die Hard and Terminator would never be the films that they were if that was the case and what a sad world that would be. Maybe that's why a great action film is a rarity these days and why the good old action stars of yesterday are an extinct species. Christian Bale and Matt Damon over Arnie and Sly? Gimmie a break!

[GenericBox]

Matt Damon is so hot right now.

Maaatt Daaaamon.

So is that other one.... Gah on the tip of my tongue, from Max Payne and Shooter.

Whats his face... Gah it'll come to me. Let me google

MARK WAHLBERG!

[GenericBox]

And yes, I judge books/films by their cover, and it is so freaking obvious when it is Australian 'produced'. I swear somewhere along the development stage someone plans it to look so crap... I don't know how to express it. It looks so, raw.

Raw is a good word I think. Generally, Australian films lack a Soft Focus filter (they are too sharp) and good colour correction. Both achieved through PP. I guess it may be too expensive to do extensive post-production and it falls outside the budget of most Australian films.

For just one year, the Government, or whoever deals the cheques for Australian films, should stop, operate a little more like a business, and fund one giant "blockbuster", instead of wasting money on crap, artsy, forgetable small time movies.

I am not the one to judge on peoples film interests, and some people may enjoy these types of films, but they simply do not make money. Which in turn does not make the Australian Film Industry any money, which means fewer, if any, "big" budget films can get produced.

The latest ones I am thinking of are Australia and Samson and Delilah. Australia was a flop, and I do not see Samson and Delilah making much, if any, profit.

The "average" cinema goer is not going to pay $15 to sit through Samson and Delilah with the quality of other films competing. Those generally with an interest in say Samson and Delilah are also those who would rather wait for the DVD release.

At some point, if the AFI wants to become anything more than a low-grade arthouse production industry, they need to get tough, and more importantly get real.

It's no use making a film if noone wants to see it.

[Mister Pervert]

Now here's a problem! We're an arthouse-sized country, most of whose ticket-buyers may as well be Americans anyway, and the only way we can succeed is to be more like the Americans... Nobody wants to see flicks about Australia anyway: Luhrman's hey-look-it's-Nicole-and-Jackman was a box-office turkey.

Hollywood movies are all formulaic - for better or worse - but they at least apply the formula across the range of movie genres. Australian movie makers don't seem to realize that "period costume drama" is just one of many genres. Movies like Strictly Ballroom, Moulin Rouge and Mama Mia are still just period costume pieces with corny music and costumes that only women and gay men would think are worth the ticket price to the cinema.

It's not that Australians couldn't make great movies in other genres. The Matrix, for example, is proof that film crews here are every bit as capable as their American counterparts - and infinitely cheaper as well. But where are the Australian writers and directors for sci-fi? Or action films? George Kennedy had a crack at it with Mad Max and in fairness, the first was made on a shoestring budget - kinda like a Roger Corman film set in the Australian outback.

On the positive side, Australians can make good comedy films. "The Castle" remains one of my favorite comedies, although probably only because I'm old enough to recognize and enjoy the working-class Australian stereotypes - stuff that makes Australian art-movie snobs cringe. I still like the Bazza McKenzie movie for the same reason. Crocodile Dundee (the first one) also was pretty funny, although it's really just a simple "fish out of water" story - a prototype Borat, if you will.

[GenericBox]

I enjoy'd the Castle and Crocodile Dundee. But I find Australian movies waaay more formulaic than American ones.

Australian comedy = underdog story. Every single time.

And I agree with Lapsed. It's not that we have to be American, although they do have the money producing movie formula down packed, its just we need to stop spending money on crap little nothings of films that just waste money, and instead save up for 1 or 2 great movies that might actually have a chance.

New Zealand produces more "mainstream" / advertised variety of films than we do. Now thats sad.

[Mister Pervert]

I enjoy'd the Castle and Crocodile Dundee. But I find Australian movies waaay more formulaic than American ones.

Yes, that's what I was getting at - the "period costume drama" formula.

Australian comedy = underdog story. Every single time.

That's true, but only because Australia doesn't have any literary or artistic traditions - least, not to the same depth as other Western countries. Those that we do have all mostly hanker back to a colonial past where art was limited to bush landscapes by McCubbin, Streeton at others of the Heildeberg School. Similarly, Australia's literary history essentially begins and ends with Patterson and Lawson stuff.

This isn't to say there haven't been other art or literature movements since the 1900s. Just that film makers, for whatever reasons, haven't begun to explore anything remotely modern.

Another problem, as I see it, is writers today (with the exception of children's authors) don't seem to have any real imagination at all. It's like they're afraid to just make up shit - like, everything has to have some kind of "reality" background or, worse, a "social message" to "educate" audiences.

And I agree with Lapsed. It's not that we have to be American, although they do have the money producing movie formula down packed, its just we need to stop spending money on crap little nothings of films that just waste money, and instead save up for 1 or 2 great movies that might actually have a chance.

Agreed.

New Zealand produces more "mainstream" / advertised variety of films than we do. Now thats sad.

But true.