The Irreverent Mr Black
23rd January 2009, 10:12 PM
A pentecostal service is an intricate piece of theatre. While Anglicans have the "if it's Maundy Thursday, we read this bit of the book" rules, which tie them to a bit of Shakespearean predictability, the AOG sitcom has its ad-breaks and laugh track, and (just like Gilligan's) you know nobody's going to get off the island this week.
In theory, the team meets to pray together and invite god to help them along with the day, leading the congregation in worship. You wouldn't see much difference, apart from the words used, if you watched a sports team doing a last-minute huddle and pep session, just before running on to the field.
The AOG/Hill$ong/Christian Wealth Centre/InsertVibrantCatchyNameHere type of Pastors are, of course, mighty figures who can, if required:
* beat cancer;
* simulate cancer in order to beat it later;
* develop millionaire lifestyles without cheating the poor or dipping into the funds (and certainly without any greed, no sir!);
* survive the temptations Satan sends along (only succumbing enough to pork the victims one really fancies); and
* (most importantly) not rumple the Zegna suit.
http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/mikeythefake.jpg
Musicians and worship leaders occupy a sort of hemi-demi-god shelf in the AOG, just behind these almost-archangels. Of course, they're mostly young, so add a few of the traits normally found in rock stars. You know: attitude, carelessness with the mouth and otherwise, disregard for schedules... you'll find it.
Curly was (and still is, for all I know) good enough as a guitarist to get away with a bit of Guitar Hero 'tude. Not that he was intrinsically a bad guy, but the Queensland nut hadn't fallen far from the tree. At the time I was joining the music team, a certain red-headed, squinty piece of racial prejudice named Pauline was becoming prominent in wedge politics. In the general chat as we checked the system, Curly expressed the hope that Pauline's party would do well in the coming election "and do something about those lazy abos and boat people", or something similarly nasty.
http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/kinpant.jpg
**********
We won't go into the recipe, but to make a Blackie, you[B] do require some black ingredients, even if somewhat diluted.
***********
I didn't erupt, walk out, or pour the water from the Holy Church Flower Vase over his tangled locks. Some of us can handle temptation. Still, he needed a bit of correction...
"Okay, Curls me old mate. What about we try out a new number today, and surprise 'em all...."
(And I started, to a familiar Sunday School tune:)
"Jesus died for all the white ones,
Not the yellow or the black..."
It shut him up, at least.
The warmups were fairly predictable. Jollyfella, Curly, Mrs Curly and Mrs Jollyfella (usually, as support singers), the occasional vocal cameo from one or another of the Church Ladies under forty, and Blackie (on Hitty Things), all in the back room as Jolly worked himself into a floor-pacing, perspiring frenzy of holy fervour.
I don't take to team spirit or pep-talks too well unless there's something materially useful to do. That's why I initially started doing PA work. Sure, I tried to catch some of this godly excitement, but as the guitar-hero Fripp (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Fripp) would tell you, sometimes god hides (http://www.last.fm/music/Robert+Fripp/_/Sometimes+God+Hides).
I concentrated on getting my performance stuff right. The kit wasn't full-on rock drums: with just Curly and one guitar, a complete kit would be overkill. My stuff was all based around complementing the guitar, and keeping the singers from trailing along behind the tempo like seagulls behind a trawler.
I used jazz brushes and my bare hands for the main part. I had some of those orchestral tympani-whackers if needed, and some ordinary sticks for those times nothing else would do. The victims of all this sticky weaponry were varied: hi-hat and ride cymbals, a snare, and roto-toms, with bongos and an Indian dholak mounted on makeshift stands.
The bongos and the dholak were part of my dirty tricks department. Using palm pressure or pinching the skin at the rim, I could change the pitch of my drumbeats, invading the space where a bass would normally play. My party trick is "Smoke On The Water": the signs only apply to guitars.
http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/denmark_street_sign.jpg
Curly and I could keep 'em in order through the Get-Exuberant stuff, and every now and then we'd pull what I now think of as The Big Trance Thingy. Listen to U2's "With Or Without You" from about 3:42 on, and you'll hear Edge's guitar doing what's basically a two-chord arpeggio, with a delay pedal bringing an echo of his guitar in, about 1 1/2 quarter notes after you first hear it. Like Frank Zappa's discovery of the Carlos Santana Secret Chord Progression (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkJKDE72cB8), this "U2 ripple effect" was brought out and dangled in front of the congregation now and then.
As I said at the beginning, there's a lot of stage-management in the operation of Excitable Church services. The pastor can shut you down if he wants. If everybody's having a good time (picture Homer Simpson just after licking the toad), the musicians can get away with fairly extended raves. We aren't talking Yes's "Tales From Topographic Oceans (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tales_from_Topographic_Oceans)" here, it's got to be simple, but not quite a drone. In bigger outfits, there will be some shuffling in and out of vocalists and *some* instrumental solos, but never enough to display obvious showboating.
Unlike those lucky buggers with a bar gig, Curly and I would finish our set and have to walk offstage, sit down, and hear the sermon instead of doing the "we had 'em going tonight" thing so beloved of musos.
Then I'd have to rush onstage as soon as Jolly dismissed the service, to keep the little Sebastians (differently-named, but they're all Sebastians to me) off my drums. Whoever said Fundie parents were all about discipline and beatings, should have been between my kit and the wave of feral under-eights, just about 12:15 PM Sundays.
Next Time: Practice, Politics and Powder!
In theory, the team meets to pray together and invite god to help them along with the day, leading the congregation in worship. You wouldn't see much difference, apart from the words used, if you watched a sports team doing a last-minute huddle and pep session, just before running on to the field.
The AOG/Hill$ong/Christian Wealth Centre/InsertVibrantCatchyNameHere type of Pastors are, of course, mighty figures who can, if required:
* beat cancer;
* simulate cancer in order to beat it later;
* develop millionaire lifestyles without cheating the poor or dipping into the funds (and certainly without any greed, no sir!);
* survive the temptations Satan sends along (only succumbing enough to pork the victims one really fancies); and
* (most importantly) not rumple the Zegna suit.
http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/mikeythefake.jpg
Musicians and worship leaders occupy a sort of hemi-demi-god shelf in the AOG, just behind these almost-archangels. Of course, they're mostly young, so add a few of the traits normally found in rock stars. You know: attitude, carelessness with the mouth and otherwise, disregard for schedules... you'll find it.
Curly was (and still is, for all I know) good enough as a guitarist to get away with a bit of Guitar Hero 'tude. Not that he was intrinsically a bad guy, but the Queensland nut hadn't fallen far from the tree. At the time I was joining the music team, a certain red-headed, squinty piece of racial prejudice named Pauline was becoming prominent in wedge politics. In the general chat as we checked the system, Curly expressed the hope that Pauline's party would do well in the coming election "and do something about those lazy abos and boat people", or something similarly nasty.
http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/kinpant.jpg
**********
We won't go into the recipe, but to make a Blackie, you[B] do require some black ingredients, even if somewhat diluted.
***********
I didn't erupt, walk out, or pour the water from the Holy Church Flower Vase over his tangled locks. Some of us can handle temptation. Still, he needed a bit of correction...
"Okay, Curls me old mate. What about we try out a new number today, and surprise 'em all...."
(And I started, to a familiar Sunday School tune:)
"Jesus died for all the white ones,
Not the yellow or the black..."
It shut him up, at least.
The warmups were fairly predictable. Jollyfella, Curly, Mrs Curly and Mrs Jollyfella (usually, as support singers), the occasional vocal cameo from one or another of the Church Ladies under forty, and Blackie (on Hitty Things), all in the back room as Jolly worked himself into a floor-pacing, perspiring frenzy of holy fervour.
I don't take to team spirit or pep-talks too well unless there's something materially useful to do. That's why I initially started doing PA work. Sure, I tried to catch some of this godly excitement, but as the guitar-hero Fripp (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Fripp) would tell you, sometimes god hides (http://www.last.fm/music/Robert+Fripp/_/Sometimes+God+Hides).
I concentrated on getting my performance stuff right. The kit wasn't full-on rock drums: with just Curly and one guitar, a complete kit would be overkill. My stuff was all based around complementing the guitar, and keeping the singers from trailing along behind the tempo like seagulls behind a trawler.
I used jazz brushes and my bare hands for the main part. I had some of those orchestral tympani-whackers if needed, and some ordinary sticks for those times nothing else would do. The victims of all this sticky weaponry were varied: hi-hat and ride cymbals, a snare, and roto-toms, with bongos and an Indian dholak mounted on makeshift stands.
The bongos and the dholak were part of my dirty tricks department. Using palm pressure or pinching the skin at the rim, I could change the pitch of my drumbeats, invading the space where a bass would normally play. My party trick is "Smoke On The Water": the signs only apply to guitars.
http://rynosseros.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/denmark_street_sign.jpg
Curly and I could keep 'em in order through the Get-Exuberant stuff, and every now and then we'd pull what I now think of as The Big Trance Thingy. Listen to U2's "With Or Without You" from about 3:42 on, and you'll hear Edge's guitar doing what's basically a two-chord arpeggio, with a delay pedal bringing an echo of his guitar in, about 1 1/2 quarter notes after you first hear it. Like Frank Zappa's discovery of the Carlos Santana Secret Chord Progression (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DkJKDE72cB8), this "U2 ripple effect" was brought out and dangled in front of the congregation now and then.
As I said at the beginning, there's a lot of stage-management in the operation of Excitable Church services. The pastor can shut you down if he wants. If everybody's having a good time (picture Homer Simpson just after licking the toad), the musicians can get away with fairly extended raves. We aren't talking Yes's "Tales From Topographic Oceans (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tales_from_Topographic_Oceans)" here, it's got to be simple, but not quite a drone. In bigger outfits, there will be some shuffling in and out of vocalists and *some* instrumental solos, but never enough to display obvious showboating.
Unlike those lucky buggers with a bar gig, Curly and I would finish our set and have to walk offstage, sit down, and hear the sermon instead of doing the "we had 'em going tonight" thing so beloved of musos.
Then I'd have to rush onstage as soon as Jolly dismissed the service, to keep the little Sebastians (differently-named, but they're all Sebastians to me) off my drums. Whoever said Fundie parents were all about discipline and beatings, should have been between my kit and the wave of feral under-eights, just about 12:15 PM Sundays.
Next Time: Practice, Politics and Powder!