Favourite Bible Story

[bill]

Lets just clear the air... I am not a christian, athiest, or member of any of the monotheistic religions...

But, the bible has some really great stories, that can be appreciated for what they are, stories and fable.

My favourite... The tower of Babel.

Conversley, the most dispicable bible story I know of is the Sodomites...

So, all you athiests, what is your favourite, most hated, and why....

[Fearless]

I pretty much forget most books that I didn't really enjoy reading sorry, including this book which I never ended up finishing... found it a bit "out there" and dry... nothing to mention here.

Good that you enjoyed the book though.

[gibreel farishta]

the taxman cometh ?

[workmx]

Some of my favs:

1. Jesus curses a tree, it doesn't give a fig. (Matthew 21:19; Mark 11:13-14)
2. Balaam, even if you have a talking donkey, get permission before you spank that ass (Numbers 22:28-30)
3. Lot's wife moved to Salt-town, she was a pillar of the community.
4. Jonah was swallowed by a fish, he had a whale of a time.
5. “...and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.” (Exodus 33:23) And thus, the Moonies were founded.

And last, but least:
Q: Why didn't Cain bring God an acceptable offering?
A: because he wasn't Abel.


This is part of my hypothesis that the Bible was originally a joke book, that has with the passage of time been mistaken for a serious work.

[Freethinkeroz]

There is a fascinating story about the Israelite god Yahweh promising the Israelites victory in battle against Moab but Yahweh ends up getting beaten by the Moabite god Kemosh because the Moabite king sacrificed his son, turning the battle decisively against Israel. 2 Kings 3 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Kings%203&version=ESV)

FTO

[EvilDRMike]

There is a fascinating story about the Israelite god Yahweh promising the Israelites victory in battle against Moab but Yahweh ends up getting beaten by the Moabite god Kemosh because the Moabite king sacrificed his son, turning the battle decisively against Israel. 2 Kings 3 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Kings%203&version=ESV)

FTO

What a piss week lazy fucker he is.

EDM

[Freethinkeroz]

He can be outgunned with Iron Age tech (http://skepticsannotatedbible.com/contra/iron.html), too.

And apparently human legislation can outdo him also, according to Huckabee and the like. So much for omnipotent!

[prudie]

I love Job because nothing shows how wonderful your god is than when he and the devil act like the two old blokes from the movie Trading Places.

I also lov the entire story of Lot.
Two angels turn up to find one good man in Sodom and Gomorrah. they decide Lot is it so they tell him to get out of dodge. Meanwhile they stay overnight and all the men in the town turn up because they want to "know" the angels that they think are men (and yes "know in the biblical sense which is I presume where sodomy comes from). Lot says no, don't disrespect my role as host here have my daughters. This is the only GOOD man?
Then we have the exodus out of town. the bit everyone knows where Lot's wife turns into a pillar of salt for the grave sin of looking back.
The best bit though is Lot and his two daughters go to live in a cave. The daughters are concerned that they will never find men and have babies now. So one night they get Lot drunk and one of the daughters has sex with him so that she get pregnant. Then the next night they get him drunk again and the other daughter has her turn.
Now I have asked many men the question "How drunk would you have to be before you could have sex with your daughter unknowingly" and not yet has a man said they could ever actually get that drunk.
This has to be the sickest fucking story in the entire book. You can't make this shit up.

[Loki]

The bits which declare that some people are of greater value than others and that those born to lesser classes must accept their subjugation as it is divinely inspired. The same bits which condemn women of all classes as lesser to men.

No wait.. sorry, that's the Vedas.

How about, all texts written by humans and used as a way to subjugate and control other people?

[gibreel farishta]

A joke book? be fucked
It is a Jewish guide to Haggling

This is what the Midrash and the Talmud are, Rabbis arguing. And in the Torah, Jews argue with God. Abraham frickin' haggles with God over the amount of righteous men needed to save Sodom and Gomorrah.
• The name "Israel" which God originally gave Jacob (Genesis 32:28) means "He wrestles with God". While the story of Jacob struggling with the Angel is usually thought of in a purely literal sense, the more figurative meaning—that Israel's people (i.e. the Jews) are always "wrestling" (arguing) with God—is every bit as valid. Due to the complexities of the Hebrew language, the exact nature of how they wrestle is unclear. It could actually be a mental 'struggle' in Jacob's own mind.
• Possibly. But there are several varying translation for 'isra', from 'rule' to 'straight'. They are the "Israelites," so wrestling with God is part of their name too.
• Moses also argues with God when he wants to destroy the People of Israel and make Moses into the (first of the) new People of Israel. Moses argues with God and wins the argument.
o This trope even unwittingly appears in Muslim tradition, where, during Muhammad's Night Journey, it is Moses who convinces Muhammad to haggle with God on the number of required prayers for Muslims when God commands Muslims to pray fifty times a day; Moses, probably seeing the difficulty with which Jews were having in following all 613 mitzvot, advises Muhammad to ask God to lighten the load. Muhammad goes up to God's throne and comes back to Moses several times, each time asking (more or less) "What do you think, Mo?", and Moses replying (more or less) "Still too much, Mu," eventually bringing it down from fifty to five. Moses encouraged him to get it down to three, but Muhammad said, essentially, "that's a bit much". (This all occurred in the Meccan period, when the small Muslim community knew little of the Jews except that they were fellow monotheists, hence the qualifier "unwittingly.")
o It also ends up in Christian tradition: a good part of the gospels is about Jesus arguing with Pharisees. A good part of the epistles is about Paul arguing with other Jewish converts(over whether gentile converts have to keep Torah).
• There's a book titled, Arguing with God: A Jewish Tradition. Abraham was just the start.
• There's also a story of Rabbi Eliezer ben Hyrcanus, a prominent (and extremely conservative) Roman era rabbi, trying to convince the Sanhedrin that he was in the right about a particular kind of oven being impervious to Levitical uncleanness. Even when overruled, he managed to call on various signs from the natural world (trees, a stream, the beams of the Sanhedrin building) to show he was in the right. Each time, the Sanhedrin dismissed the sign as the sign-bearer stepping outside of its jurisdiction. Finally, Eliezer beseeched God himself to step in...which he did, identifying Eliezer as correct about the oven being tamei-proof. Cue the Sanhedrin head rebuking God for this, even quoting Deuteronomy to the effect that the demands of the law put jurisdiction only among the rabbis; "it is not in the heavens". Let that sink in; the rabbis dismissed God for overstepping his legal bounds. Best part? Immediately afterwards, at the throne of Heaven, God was laughing with delight, saying "My children have defeated me, my children have defeated me
• Another story from the Talmud highlights the degree of affection involved in the process. Rabbi Yohanan's study partner, Resh Lakish, dies, and the other rabbis find him someone new to work with. But where Resh Lakish would argue every point Yohanan made, no matter how obviously correct, the new guy was willing to say "you're right". This did not help Yohanan's mood. According to the Talmud, Yohanan replies that Resh Lakish would pick apart everything Yohanan said, and in answering the rebuttals the discussion would move forward. But this new guy - hah! "But you [the new partner] say 'we learned a teaching that supports you.' Of course I know that I am right!" And on that thought, he goes out to shed some Manly Tears for his old argument partner..
• A joke may also illustrate the point: Four Rabbis were arguing a point of doctrine, three were siding against the one and finally told him that if he disagreed so strongly to ask God. As the dissenting Rabbi raised his hands to the heavens and began to speak, the sun burned through the heavy clouds and wreathed him in golden radiance, an unearthly chorus began to sing, and a voice like thunder echoed from the heavens "HE IS RIGHT"
The three Rabbis looked at the heavenly endorsed fourth and concluded simply "Its still three to two against you".
•

my case rests

[gibreel farishta]

The shekal in the mouth of a fish

translation

The taxmen are a pack of C*nts

amen

[gibreel farishta]

The Satanic verses Salman Rushdie

Mohammed keeps sending Gibreel back to god to haggle for less rules and less prayers each day,

after starting off with a requirement for about fifty prayers per day gibreel finally gets it down to five

Mohammed sends him back one more time and gets it down to three

Back to the climate wars.

Obama has finally commited, lets see what he does with XL pipeline

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