These are actual clippings from church newspapers. Amazing what a little proof-reading would've prevented!
Bertha
Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
the Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear
Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement
in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and
Prayer conference includes meals."
Our
youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in
the school recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ
the King.
Miss
Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way
Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
"Ladies,
don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of
those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget
your husbands."
The
peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled
due to a conflict.
The
sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water" The
sermon tonight will be: "Searching for Jesus"
Next
Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all
the help they can get.
The
Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
Remember
in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone
who doesn't care much about you, and hopefully they will
respond.
Don't
let worry kill you - let the Church help.
A bean
supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
At the
evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, "What
is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight
new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older
ones.
The
senior choir invites any members of the congregation who
enjoy sinning to join the choir.
Scouts
are saving aluminium cans, bottles, and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The
Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed
potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a
nominal feel.
For
those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.
Please
place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person(s) you want remembered.
Attend
this meeting and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave
a healthy lunch.
The
church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Potluck
supper Sunday at 5:00 pm ... prayer and medication to follow.
The
ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
This
evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies
Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 am. All
ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
B.S. is done.
The
pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast next Sunday morning.
Low
Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 pm. Please
use the back door.
The
eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement on Friday at 7 pm. The Congregation is
invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight
Watchers will meet at 7 pm at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
The
Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Now Up
Yours."